Full text and commentary of Lucian’s True History

• True History Decrypted: Full text and Commentary of Lucian’sTrue History
• Edited by Frank Redmond
• Notes by Frank Redmond
• True History text translated by H.W. and F.G. Fowler
• First Edition (1.0), 2013
• Second Edition (2.0), 2015
• Second Edition Updated (2.2), 2016
• Mênin Web and Print Publishing
• http://meninpublishing.org/
• Chicago, Illinois, United States of America

One of the translators of Lucian, Thomas Francklin, bemoaned in his introduction to True History, “We cannot but lament that the humour of many of the references has been lost to us; therefore, Lucian’s True History cannot be half as pleasurable as when it was first written, but there are enough remaining allusions which we understand to secure it from being unrelatable.” This work, True History Decrypted, attempts to take those “remaining allusions” and make them relatable to the modern reader. Modern audiences rarely have the background to fully understand all of the allusions made in True History and classical texts in general. It would be unfortunate if there were not a book that could help guide the reader through each section and provide the necessary background to fully enjoy the work.

This book takes a two-tiered approach to understanding True History: (1) provide extensive commentary section-by-section, addressing the main themes and ideas of the work as the reader goes along; (2) provide an Appendix of works that Lucian may have been acclimated to and used as a basis for the parody found in True History. With these two eyes, the True History becomes a great deal more enjoyable and easier to comprehend.

There is no doubt that True Historyis Lucian’s most famous and influential work. It has influenced works like More’s Utopia and Swift’s Gulliver’s Travels. True History masquerades as a clinical account of the travels of the narrator and his companions. The style, tone, and approach of True History is exceptionally true to the travel genre; however, it is with the content where Lucian makes his satirical intent manifest. The narrator travels to the moon and back, to different islands like the Island of Cheese and Island of the Damned; he meets a cast of strange, twisted characters throughout, some more fanciful than others. Underneath it all, Lucian is really questioning the idea of truth found in factual, non-fiction writing. On a meta level, Lucian is trying to show the impossibility of absolute truth in writing. If the purpose of satire is to improve the condition of a certain aspect of society, then Lucian is trying to call out some of the more grossly inaccurate worldly depictions in order to improve, all around, truth in literature, history, and entertainment.

• Frank Redmond – 2013 (1^st Edition; 1.0)
• Frank Redmond – 2015 (2^nd Edition; 2.0)
• Frank Redmond – 2016 (2^nd Edition; 2.2)
• 2^nd Edition (2015) modifications – Patched Introduction; fixed minor content bugs; added additional notes to Lucian text.
• 2^nd Edition (2016) modifications – Standardized citations; style updates.

True History Text and Commentary

Athletes and physical trainers do not limit their attention to the questions of perfect condition and exercise [1]; they say there is a time for relaxation also — which indeed they represent as the most important element in training. I hold it equally true for literary men that after severe study [2] they should unbend the intellect, if it is to come perfectly efficient to its next task.

[1] Exercise | The advantages arising from the athletic exercises practiced in Greece and sometimes their downsides are set forth Lucian's dialogue Anacharsis.

[2] Severe study | Such severe literary study can be glimpsed from Lucian’s work On How to Write History 5: “There might as well be an art of talking, seeing, or eating; history-writing is perfectly easy, comes natural, is a universal gift; all that is necessary is the faculty of translating your thoughts into words. But the truth is — you know it without my telling, old friend —, it is not a task to be lightly undertaken, or carried through without effort; no, it needs as much care as any sort of composition whatever, if one means to create ‘a possession forever,’ as Thucydides calls it.”¹⁾

The rest they want will best be found in a course of literature which does not offer entertainment pure and simple, depending on mere wit or felicity, but is also capable of stirring an educated curiosity [1] — in a way which I hope will be exemplified in the following pages. They are intended to have an attraction independent of any originality of subject, any happiness of general design, and any authenticity in the piling up of fictions. This attraction is in the veiled reference underlying all the details of my narrative; they parody the rooster-and-bull stories [2] of ancient poets, historians, and philosophers; I have only refrained from adding a key [3] because I could rely upon you to recognize as you read. [4]

[1] Capable of stirring an educated curiosity | Not only amuses by a narrative of marvelous adventures, but engages the literary or critical facility by imitating the accounts of professed poets and historians.

[2] Rooster-and-bull stories | A rooster and bull story is a false account or tall tale.

[3] A key | Lucian wants his audience to look for the clues in his work for he is not going to explicitly identify any subjects.

[4] Rely upon you to recognize as you read | An object of Old Comedy was to openly attack subjects and topics, but Lucian is taking a different approach by hiding the key and allowing the audience to investigate the sources of ridicule themselves.

Ctesias [1], son of Ctesiochus of Cnidus, in his work on India and its characteristics, gives details for which he had neither the evidence of his eyes nor of hearsay. Iambulus’sOceanica [2] is full of marvels; the whole thing is a manifest fiction, but at the same time pleasant reading. Many other writers have adopted the same plan, professing to relate their own travels, and describing monstrous beasts, savages, and strange ways of life [3]. The fount and inspiration of their humor is the Homeric Odysseus, entertaining Alcinous’s court with his prisoned winds, his men one-eyed or wild or cannibal, his beasts with many heads, and his metamorphosed comrades; the Phaeacians were simple folk, and he fooled them to the top of their bent [4].

[1] Ctesias | He wrote also thirty books of the Persian History. He lived in the time of Artaxerxes. Fragments of Ctesias' History of India are preserved in the Bibliotheca of Photius. Many of the wonders he relates are distortions of fact, e.g. the 'talking birds' and the black dog headed men with long teeth and nails, who have a voice like a bark and make gestures and grimaces.

[2] Iambulus's Oceanica | Nothing is directly left of the works of Iambulus. Diodorus Siculus is supposed to have copied from Iambulus in his description of a journey through Ethiopia to the Island of the Sun. Very fantastical.

[3] Many other writers have adopted the same plan, professing to relate their own travels, and describing monstrous beasts, savages, and strange ways of life | Perhaps an allusion to Herodotus.

[4] Fooled them to the top of their bent | Allusion to Homer's Odyssey 9-12. The tales of Odysseus at the court of Alcinous, about the Cyclops, the bag in which the winds were confined, the enchantments of Circe, etc.

When I come across a writer of this sort, I do not much mind his lying; the practice is much too well established for that, even with professed philosophers [1]; I am only surprised at his expecting to escape detection. Now I am myself vain enough to cherish the hope of bequeathing something to posterity; I see no reason for resigning my right to that inventive freedom which others enjoy; and, as I have no truth to put on record, having lived a very humdrum life, I fall back on falsehood — but falsehood of a more consistent variety; for I now make the only true statement you are to expect — that I am a liar [2]. This confession is, I consider, a full defense against all imputations. My subject is, then, what I have neither seen, experienced, nor been told, what neither exists nor could conceivably do so. I humbly solicit my readers’ incredulity.

[1] Professed philosophers | Seems to be an allusion to Plato's myths, especially the one that concludes the Republic, the Myth of Er.

[2] I am a liar | Lucian is playing with the philosophical idea of the “liar’s paradox”. In philosophy and logic, the “liar's paradox” (pseudomenon in Ancient Greek) is the statement “this sentence is false.” Trying to assign to this statement a classical binary truth value leads to a contradiction. If “this sentence is false” is true, then the sentence is false, which is a contradiction. Conversely, if “this sentence is false” is false, then the sentence is true, which is also a contradiction.

[1] Starting on a certain date from the Pillars of Heracles [2], I sailed with a fair wind into the Atlantic. The motives of my voyage were a certain intellectual restlessness, a passion for novelty, a curiosity about the limits of the ocean and the peoples who might dwell beyond it. This being my design, I provisioned and watered my ship on a generous scale. My crew amounted to fifty, all men whose interests, as well as their years, corresponded with my own. I had further provided a good supply of arms, secured the best navigator to be had for money, and had the ship — a pinnace [3] — specially strengthened for a long and arduous voyage.

[1] Starting… | Here the history begins. The previous four sections must be considered a preface even though it is not labeled as such in the original.

[2] Pillar of Heracles | The Pillars of Heracles were Mount Abyla in Mauritania and Calpe in Spain, one on either side of the Fretum Gaditanam, now the Straits of Gibraltar. According to legend they were once a continuous mountain, which Heracles rent asunder. Outside these straits lay the Western Ocean, a tract almost unknown, except possibly to some bolder Phoenician adventurers. The term Oceanus was originally applied to the fabled river which was believed to encircle the world; but as geographical knowledge advanced it was used to designate the great outside expanse waters, especially the Atlantic, as distinguished from the Mediterranean or inner sea.

[3] Pinnace | A light craft. Lucian provides the reader with a very specific type of vessel.

For a day and a night we were carried quietly along by the breeze, with land still in sight. But with the next day’s dawn the wind rose to a gale, with a heavy sea and a dark sky; we found ourselves unable to take in sail. We surrendered ourselves to the elements, let her run, and were storm-driven for more than eleven weeks. On the eightieth day the sun came out quite suddenly, and we found ourselves close to a lofty wooded island, round which the waves were murmuring gently, the sea having almost fallen by this time. We brought her to land, disembarked, and after our long tossing lay a considerable time idle on shore; we at last made a start, however, and leaving thirty of our number to guard the ship I took the other twenty on a tour of inspection.

We had advanced half a mile inland through woods, when we came upon a brazen pillar, inscribed in Greek characters — which however were worn and dim —‘Heracles and Dionysus reached this point.’ Not far off were two footprints on rock [1]; one might have been an acre in area, the other being smaller; and I conjecture that the latter was Dionysus’s, and the other Heracles’; we did obeisance, and proceeded. Before we had gone far, we found ourselves on a river which ran wine; it was very like Chian [2]; the stream full and copious, even navigable in parts. This evidence of Dionysus’s sojourn was enough to convince us [3] that the inscription on the pillar was authentic. Resolving to find the source, I followed the river up, and discovered, instead of a fountain, a number of huge vines covered with grapes; from the root of each there issued a trickle of perfectly clear wine, the joining of which made the river. It was well stocked with great fish, resembling wine both in color and taste; catching and eating some, we at once found ourselves intoxicated; and indeed when opened the fish were full of wine-lees; presently it occurred to us to mix them with ordinary water fish, thus diluting the strength of our spirituous food. [4]

[1] Two foot prints on the rock | Passage is probably a parody of Herodotus 4.82, “One thing, however, shall be mentioned which it has to show, and which is worthy of wonder even besides the rivers and the greatness of the plain, that is to say, they point out a footprint of Heracles in the rock by the bank of the river Tyras, which in shape is like the mark of a man’s foot but in size is two cubits long.”²⁾

[2] Chian | Among the Greek wines, so much admired by ancient connoisseurs, those of the islands of the Archipelago were the most celebrated, and of these the Chian wine, the product of Chios, was by far the most supreme. This was particularly true of that which was made from vines growing on the mountain Arevisia. The double superlative adds a rarity to the statement.

[3] Enough to convince us | Lit. “Entered our minds” or “we were induced”.

[4] Diluting the strength of our spirituous food | The Greeks mixed wine with water in the Krater prior to drinking. A Krater is a large vase which was used to mix wine and water. At a Greek symposium, Kraters were placed in the center of the room. They were quite large, so they were not easily portable when filled. Thus, the wine-water mixture would be withdrawn from the Krater with other vessels. What makes this passage peculiar is the use of solid fish-water with solid fish-wine to mix the two. Sort of like a mash of solids.

We now crossed the river by a ford, and came to some vines of a most extraordinary kind. Out of the ground came a thick well-grown stem; but the upper part was a woman, complete from the loins upward. They were like our painters’ representations of Daphne in the act of turning into a tree just as Apollo overtakes her [1]. From the finger-tips sprang vine twigs, all loaded with grapes; the hair of their heads was tendrils, leaves, and grape-clusters. They greeted us and welcomed our approach, talking Lydian, Indian, and Greek, most of them the last. They went so far as to kiss us on the mouth; and whoever was kissed staggered like a drunken man. But they would not permit us to pluck their fruit, meeting the attempt with cries of pain. [2] Some of them made further amorous advances; and two of my comrades who yielded to these solicitations found it impossible to extricate themselves again from their embraces; the man became one plant with the vine, striking root beside it; his fingers turned to vine twigs, the tendrils were all round him, and embryo grape-clusters were already visible on him. [3]

[1] Daphne in the act of turning into a tree just as Apollo overtakes her | There are several versions of the myth, but the general narrative is that because of her beauty, Daphne attracted the attention and ardor of the god Apollo (Phoebus). Apollo pursued her and just before being overtaken, Daphne pleaded to her mother Gaia (or Ge) to be rescued. Gaia then swallowed her in the earth, and subsequently created the laurel tree (Laurus nobilis) tree to console Apollo's grief.

[2] Some early translators left off the last few sentences of section 8 deeming them too racy.

[3] … visible on him | Episode is a possible allusion to Virgil's story of Polydorus and the groaning cornel-tree, Aeneid Book 3. The story goes that Aeneas lands in Thrace hoping to establish a colony for his people. The land is overgrown with various plants, and as Aeneas begins to uproot them, they begin to spout blood. The plant begins to speak and explains that it is Polydorus - the spears that were used to kill him stuck into the ground and took root, transforming into plants.

We left them there and hurried back to the ship, where we told our tale, including our friends’ experiment in viticulture [1]. Then after taking some casks ashore and filling them with wine and water we bivouacked near the beach, and next morning set sail before a gentle breeze. But about midday, when we were out of sight of the island, a waterspout [2] suddenly came upon us, which swept the ship round and up to a height of some three hundred and fifty miles above the earth. She did not fall back into the sea, but was suspended [3] aloft, and at the same time carried along by a wind which struck and filled the sails.

[1] Viticulture | Especially the part about having sexual intercourse with vines.

[2] A waterspout | Epicurus in his Letter to Pythocles explains the etiology of waterspouts: “Fiery whirlwinds are due to the descent of a cloud forced downwards like a pillar by the wind in full force and carried by a gale round and round, while at the same time the outside wind gives the cloud a lateral thrust; or it may be due to a change of the wind which veers to all points of the compass as a current of air from above helps to force it to move; or it may be that a strong eddy of winds has been started and is unable to burst through laterally because the air around is closely condensed. And when they descend upon land, they cause what are called tornadoes, in accordance with the various ways in which they are produced through the force of the wind; and when let down upon the sea, they cause waterspouts.”³⁾

[3] Suspended | In the same manner as Gulliver's island of Laputa, a kingdom devoted to the arts of music and mathematics that was suspended in the sky; from this passage it is not improbable that Swift borrowed the idea.

For a whole week we pursued our airy course, and on the eighth day descried land; it was an island with air for sea, glistening, spherical, and bathed in light. We reached it, cast anchor, and landed; inspection soon showed that it was inhabited and cultivated. In the daytime nothing could be discerned outside of it; but night revealed many neighboring islands, some larger and some smaller than ours; there was also another land below us containing cities, rivers, seas, forests, and mountains; and this we concluded to be our Earth [1].

[1] Our Earth | At this point, Lucian and his comrades have left the atmosphere and are looking down on the planet.

We were intending to continue our voyage, when we were discovered and detained by the Horse-vultures [1], as they are called. These are men mounted on huge vultures, which they ride like horses; the great birds have ordinarily three heads. It will give you some idea of their size if I state that each of their quill-feathers is longer and thicker than the mast of a large merchantman. This corps is charged with the duty of patrolling the land, and bringing any strangers it may find to the king; this was what was now done with us. The king surveyed us, and, forming his conclusions from our dress, ‘Strangers,’ said he, ‘you are Greeks, are you not?’ we assented. ‘And how did you traverse this vast space of air?’ In answer we gave a full account of ourselves, to which he at once replied with his own history. It seemed he too was a mortal, named Endymion [2], who had been conveyed up from our Earth in his sleep, and after his arrival had become king of the country; this was, he told us, what we knew on our Earth as the moon [3]. He bade us be of good cheer and entertain no apprehensions; all our needs should be supplied.

[1] Horse-vultures | Literally Hippogypi from hippos, horse, and gyps, vulture.

[2] Endymion | Lucian has founded his history on some common legend. Endymion was a king of Elis, though some consider him a shepherd. Shepherd or king, however, he was so physically attractive, that the moon, who saw him leaping on mount Latmos, fell in love with him. This was a common pagan story, one in which Lucian probably doubted. Lucian makes ample amends in his history by making Endymion the emperor of the moon.

[3] Earth as the moon | Modern astronomy states that we are to the moon just the same as how the moon is to the Earth. Lucian agreed with that assessment.

‘And if I am victorious,’ he added, ‘in the campaign which I am now commencing against the inhabitants of the Sun, I promise you an extremely pleasant life at my court.’ We asked about the enemy, and the quarrel. ‘Phaethon,’ he replied, ‘king of the Sun (which is inhabited [1], like the Moon), has long been at war with us. The occasion was this: I wished at one time to collect the poorest of my subjects and send them as a colony to Lucifer, which is uninhabited. Phaethon took umbrage at this, met the emigrants half way with a troop of Horse-ants [2], and forbade them to proceed. On that occasion, being in inferior force, we were worsted and had to retreat; but I now intend to take the offensive and send my colony. I shall be glad if you will participate; I will provide your equipment and mount you on vultures from the royal coops; the expedition starts tomorrow.’ I expressed our readiness to do his pleasure. [3]

[1] Inhabited | Unlike the moon which is potentially habitable, the sun is definitely inhabitable.

[2] Horse-ants | Literally Hippomyrmices from hippos, horse, and myrmex, ant.

[3] I expressed our readiness to do his pleasure | This is an instance of Lucian's art in making impossibilities seem natural. The newcomers undertake the management of their vulture-steeds at a day's notice, as quite an ordinary affair.

That day we were entertained by the king; in the morning we took our place in the ranks as soon as we were up, our scouts having announced the approach of the enemy. Our army numbered 100,000 (exclusive of camp-followers, engineers, infantry, and allies), the Horse-vultures amounting to 80,000, and the remaining 20,000 being mounted on Salad-wings [1]. These latter are also enormous birds, fledged with various herbs, and with quill-feathers resembling lettuce leaves. Next these were the Millet-throwers [2] and the Garlic-men [3]. Endymion had also a contingent from the North of 30,000 Flea-archers [4] and 50,000 Wind-coursers [5]. The former have their name from the great fleas, each of the bulk of a dozen elephants, which they ride. The Wind-coursers are infantry, moving through the air without wings; they affect this by so girding their shirts, which reach to the ankle, that they hold the wind like a sail and propel their wearers’ ship-fashion. These troops are usually employed as skirmishers [6]. 70,000 Ostrich-slingers [7] and 50,000 Horse-cranes [8] were said to be on their way from the stars over Cappadocia [9]. But as they failed to arrive I did not actually see them; and a description from hearsay I am not prepared to give, as the marvels related of them put some strain on belief.

[1] Salad-wings | Literally Lachanopteri from lakhanos, any kind of herb, and pteros, wing.

[2] Millet-throwers | Literally Cinchroboli; millii jaculatores, darters of millet (millet is a type of small grain).

[3] Garlic-men | Literally Schorodomachi, alliis pugnantes, garlic fighters. The supposition is that these fighters threw garlic at the enemy, which served as a sort of stinkbomb.

[4] Flea-archers | Literally Pfllotoxotoe, pulici sagittarii, Flea-archers.

[5] Wind-coursers | Literally Anemodromi, venti cursores, Wind-coursers.

[6] Skirmishers | Also known as peltasts, a sort of light-armed foot soldier, who principally harassed the enemy by their agility.

[7] Ostrich-slingers | Literally Strathobalani, passeres glandium, or Acorn-sparrows.

[8] Horse-cranes | Literally Hippogerani, equi grues, Horse-cranes.

[9] Cappadocia | Probably because Cappadocia was famous for its breed of horses. Lucian would have known it well as it bordered on his native district of Commagene.

Such was Endymion’s force. They were all armed alike; their helmets were made of beans, which grow there of great size and hardness; the breastplates were of overlapping lupine-husks sewn together, these husks being as tough as horn; as to shields and swords, they were of the Greek type.

When the time came, the array was as follows: on the right were the Horse-vultures, and the King with theelite of his forces, including ourselves. The Salad-wings held the left, and in the center were the various allies. The infantry were in round numbers 60,000,000 [1]; they were enabled to fall in thus: there are in the Moon great numbers of gigantic spiders, considerably larger than an average Aegean island; these were instructed to stretch webs across from the Moon to Lucifer; as soon as the work was done, the King drew up his infantry on this artificial plain, entrusting the command to Nightbat, son of Fairweather, with two lieutenants.

[1] 60,000,000 | What follows is probably a parody on actual descriptions by authors, such as that of the Battle of Cunaxa in Xenophon's Anabasis or the battle in Cyropaedia, 7.1. In Herodotus, he lists Xerxes army to be 1,700,000 men strong (7.60).

On the enemy’s side, Phaethon occupied the left with his Horse-ants; they are great winged animals resembling our ants except in size; but the largest of them would measure a couple of acres. The fighting was done not only by their riders; they used their horns also; their numbers were stated at 50,000. On their right was about an equal force of Sky-gnats [1] — archers mounted on great gnats; and next them the Sky-pirouetters [2], light-armed infantry only, but of some military value; they slung monstrous radishes at long range, a wound from which was almost immediately fatal, turning to gangrene at once; they were supposed to anoint their missiles with mallow juice. Next came the Stalk-fungi [3], 10,000 heavy-armed troops for close quarters; the explanation of their name is that their shields are mushrooms, and their spears asparagus stalks. Their neighbors were the Dog-acorns [4], Phaethon’s contingent from Sirius. These were 5,000 in number, dog-faced men fighting on winged acorns. It was reported that Phaethon too was disappointed of the slingers whom he had summoned from the Milky Way, and of the Cloud-centaurs [5]. These latter, however, arrived, most unfortunately for us [6], after the battle was decided; the slingers failed altogether, and are said to have felt the resentment of Phaethon, who wasted their territory with fire. Such was the force brought by the enemy.

[1] Sky-gnats | Literally Acroconopes, Air-flies.

[2] Sky-pirouetters | Literally Acrocoraces, Gr. Akrokorakes, air-crows.

[3] Stalk-fungi | Literally Caulomycetes, Gr. Kaulamyketes, Caulo fungi, stalk and mushroom men.

[4] Dog-acorns | Literally Cynobalani, Gr. Kynobalanoi, cani glandacii, acorn-dogs.

[5] Cloud-centaurs | Literally Nephelocentauri, Gr. Nephelokentau, nubicentauri, cloud-centaurs.

[6] Most unfortunately for us | The reason for this misfortune is given a little further in the history.

As soon as the standards were raised and the asses on both sides (their trumpeters) had brayed, the engagement commenced. The Sunite left at once broke without awaiting the onset of the Horse-vultures, and we pursued, slaying them. On the other hand, their right had the better of our left, the Sky-gnats pressing on right up to our infantry. When these joined in, however, they turned and fled, chiefly owing to the moral effect of our success on the other flank. The rout became decisive, great numbers were taken and slain, and blood flowed in great quantities on to the clouds, staining them as red as we see them at sunset; much of it also dropped earthwards, and suggested to me that it was possibly some ancient event of the same kind which persuaded Homer that Zeus had rained blood at the death of Sarpedon [1].

[1] Rained blood at the death of Sarpedon | Iliad 16.458: “Hera spoke. The father of gods and men agreed. But he shed blood rain down upon the ground, tribute to his dear son Patroclus was about to kill in fertile Troy, far from his native land. “⁴⁾

Relinquishing the pursuit, we set up two trophies [1], one for the infantry engagement on the spiders’ webs, and one on the clouds for the air-battle. It was while we were thus engaged that our scouts announced the approach of the Cloud-centaurs, whom Phaethon had expected in time for the battle. They were indeed close upon us, and a strange sight, being compounded of winged horses and men; the human part, from the middle upwards, was as tall as the Colossus of Rhodes [2], and the equine the size of a large merchantman. Their number I cannot bring myself to write down, for fear of exciting incredulity. They were commanded by Sagittarius [3]. Finding their friends defeated, they sent a messenger after Phaethon to bring him back, and, themselves in perfect order, charged the disarrayed Moonites [4], who had left their ranks and were scattered in pursuit or pillage; they routed the whole of them, chased the King home, and killed the greater part of his birds; they tore up the trophies, and overran the woven plain; I myself was taken, with two of my comrades. Phaethon now arrived, and trophies were erected on the enemy’s part. We were taken off to the Sun the same day, our hands tied behind with a piece of the cobweb.

[1] Two trophies | Originally the word trophy, derived from the Greek tropaion, referred to arms, standards, other property, or human captives and body parts (e.g. headhunting) captured in battle. These war trophies commemorated the military victories of a state, army or individual combatant.

[2] Colossus of Rhodes | The Colossus of Rhodes was more than 100 feet high. The huge bronze statue was said to have bestridden the harbor at Rhodes.

[3] Sagittarius | In Greek mythology, Sagittarius is identified as a centaur: half human, half horse. In some legends, the Centaur Chiron was the son of Philyra and Saturn, who was said to have changed himself into a horse to escape his jealous wife, Rhea. Chiron was eventually immortalized in the constellation of Centaurus or in some version, Sagittarius.

[4] Moonites | Or Selenites, the inhabitants of the moon.

They decided not to lay siege to the city; but after their return they constructed a wall across the intervening space, cutting off the Sun’s rays from the Moon. This wall was double, and built of clouds; the consequence was total eclipse of the Moon, which experienced a continuous night. This severity forced Endymion to negotiate. He entreated that the wall might be taken down, and his kingdom released from this life of darkness; he offered to pay tribute, conclude an alliance, abstain from hostilities in future, and give hostages for these engagements. The Sunites [1] held two assemblies on the question, in the first of which they refused all concessions; on the second day, however, they relented, and peace was concluded on the following terms. [2]

[1] Sunites | Or Heliots, or inhabitants of the sun.

[2] Refused all concessions … relented and peace was concluded | Possibly an allusion to the reversal by the Athenians of their cruel decree against the Mitylenaeans after the revolt of that town. One faction, led by Cleon, advocated executing all of the men in the city and enslaving the women and children, while another faction (one spokesman was Diodotus) preferred more moderate treatment in which only men who had been identified as ringleaders would be executed. The Athenian assembly wavered; an order for mass execution was issued on the first day of debate but countermanded on the next. In the end, the city as a whole was spared.

[1] Articles of peace between the Sunites and their allies of the one part, and the Moonites and their allies of the other part.

1. The Sunites shall demolish the party-wall, shall make no further incursion into the Moon, and shall hold their captives to ransom at a fixed rate.

2. The Moonites shall restore to the other stars their autonomy, shall not bear arms against the Sunites, and shall conclude with them a mutual defensive alliance.

3. The King of the Moonites shall pay to the King of the Sunites, annually, a tribute of ten thousand jars of dew, and give ten thousand hostages of his subjects.

4. The high contracting parties shall found the colony of Lucifer in common, and shall permit persons of any other nationality to join the same.

5. These articles shall be engraved on a pillar of electrum [2], which shall be set up on the border in mid-air.

Sworn to on behalf of the Sun by [3] Firebrace, Heaton, and Flashman; and on behalf of the Moon by Nightwell, Monday, and Shimmer.

[1] Articles of peace… | A good caricature on the usual form and style of a treaty.

[2] Pillar of electrum | Electrum is a naturally occurring alloy of gold and silver, with trace amounts of copper and other metals. It has also been produced artificially, and is often known as green gold. The ancient Greeks called it 'gold' or 'white gold', as opposed to 'refined gold'. Its color ranges from pale to bright yellow, depending on the proportions of gold and silver.

[3] Firebrace… | Gr. Pyronides, ignes, fiery; Gr. Phlogios, flaming; Gr. Nyktop, nocturnal, nightly; Gr. Menios, menstruus, monthly; Gr. Polylamtes, multilucius, many lights. These all make good proper names in Greek, but do not translate well into English.

Peace concluded; the removal of the wall and restoration of captives at once followed. As we reached the Moon, we were met and welcomed by our comrades and King Endymion, all weeping for joy. The King wished us to remain and take part in founding the colony [1], and, women not existing in the Moon, offered me his son in marriage. I refused, asking that we might be sent down to the sea again; and finding that he could not prevail, he entertained us for a week, and then sent us on our way.

[1] Colony | Colonies in antiquity were city-states founded from a mother-city (its “metropolis”), not from a territory-at-large. Bonds between a colony and its metropolis remained often close, and took specific forms. However, unlike in the period of European colonialism during the early and late modern era, ancient colonies were usually sovereign and self-governing from their inception.

I am now to put on record the novelties and singularities which attracted my notice during our stay in the Moon. In the first place there is the fact that they are not born of women but of men: they marry men and do not even know the word woman at all! Up to the age of twenty-five each is a wife, and thereafter a husband. They carry their children in the calf of the leg [1] instead of the belly. When conception takes place the calf begins to swell. In course of time they cut it open and deliver the child dead, and then they bring it to life by putting it in the wind with its mouth open. It seems to me that the term “belly of the leg” [2] came to us Greeks from there, since the leg performs the function of a belly with them. But I will tell you something else, still more wonderful. They have a kind of men whom they call the Arboreals, who are brought into the world as follows: Cutting a man's right genital gland, they plant it in the ground. From it grows a very large tree of one calf of the leg, flesh, resembling the emblem of Priapus: it has branches and leaves, and its fruit is acorns a cubit thick. When these ripen, they harvest them and shell out the men. Another thing, they have artificial parts that are sometimes of ivory and sometimes, with the poor, of wood, and make use of them in their intercourse [3].

[1] Calf of the Leg | cf. Zeus rescued the fetal Dionysus by sewing him into his thigh.

[2] “Belly of the leg” | Gr. Gastronymia.

[3] Intercourse | The insinuation of the use of sexual objects was omitted from some early modern editions of Lucian.

When a man becomes old, he does not die, but dissolves in smoke into the air. There is one universal diet; they light a fire, and in the embers roast frogs, great numbers of which are always flying in the air; they then sit round as at table, snuffing up the fumes [1] which rise and serve them for food; their drink is air compressed in a cup till it gives off a moisture resembling dew. Beauty with them consists in a bald head and hairless body; a good crop of hair is an abomination. On the comets [2], as I was told by some of their inhabitants who were there on a visit, this is reversed. They have beards, however, just above the knee; no toe-nails, and but one toe on each foot. They are all tailed, the tail being a large cabbage of an evergreen kind, which does not break if they fall upon it.

[1] Snuffing up the fumes | Herodotus (4.74) says that the Scythians were accustomed to regale themselves by a particular mode of intoxication, caused by the inhalation of hemp-seed. “The Scythians then take the seed of this hemp and creep under the felt coverings, and then they throw the seed upon the stones which have been heated red-hot: and it burns like incense and produces a vapor so thick that no vapor-bath in Hellas would surpass it: and the Scythians being delighted with the vapor-bath howl like wolves.”⁵⁾

[2] Comets | Comet meant “long-haired” in Ancient Greek.

Their mucus is a pungent honey; and after hard work or exercise they sweat milk all over, which a drop or two of the honey curdles into cheese [1]. The oil which they make from onions is very rich, and as fragrant as balsam. They have an abundance of water-producing vines, the stones of which resemble hailstones; and my own belief is that it is the shaking of these vines by hurricanes, and the consequent bursting of the grapes, that results in our hailstorms. They use the belly as a pouch in which to keep necessaries, being able to open and shut it. It contains no intestines or liver, only a soft hairy lining; their young, indeed, creep into it for protection from cold [2].

[1] Cheese | Only for exportation, seeing that the Selenites do not feed upon a coarse diet.

[2] Protection from cold | Lucian, when he originally thought of this idea, probably did not realize that nature had already beat him to the idea, and that there was a kangaroo that is provided with the convenient ability of carrying its young in the belly. Lucian was unaware of the continent of Australia.

The clothing of the wealthy is soft glass, and of the poor, woven brass; the land is very rich in brass, which they work like wool after steeping it in water. It is with some hesitation that I describe their eyes, the thing being incredible enough to bring doubt upon my veracity. But the fact is that these organs are removable [1]; anyone can take out his eyes and do without till he wants them; then he has merely to put them in; I have known many cases of people losing their own and borrowing at need; and some — the rich, naturally — keep a large stock. Their ears are plane-leaves, except with the breed raised from acorns; theirs being of wood.

[1] Organs are removable | Perhaps an allusion to Thucydides. He describes the gold with which the statue of Athena in the Parthenon was overlaid. Thucydides 2.13: “If they were reduced to the last extremity they could even take off the plates of gold with which the image of the goddess was overlaid; these, as he pointed out, weighed forty talents, and were of refined gold, which was all removable.” ⁶⁾

Another marvel [1] I saw in the palace. There is a large mirror suspended over a well of no great depth; anyone going down the well can hear every word spoken on our Earth; and if he looks at the mirror, he sees every city and nation as plainly as though he were standing close above each. The time I was there, I surveyed my own people and the whole of my native country; whether they saw me also, I cannot say for certain. [2] Anyone who doubts the truth of this statement has only to go there himself, to be assured of my veracity.

[1] Marvel | This interlude into “marvels” has parallels with Herodotus when he tangentially speaks on various topics.

[2] The time I was there, I surveyed my own people and the whole of my native country; whether they saw me also, I cannot say for certain | Possibly an allusion to the theory of Empedocles, which represented birth as a mingling of elements and death as a separation of the mingled. In essence, the vision of the mirror mingles together elements to make a lifescene and when it dissolves the lifescene disappears.

When the time came, we took our leave of King and court, got on board, and weighed anchor. Endymion’s parting gifts to me were two glass shirts, five of brass, and a suit of lupine armor, all of which, however, I afterwards left in the whale’s belly [1]; he also sent, as our escort for the first fifty miles, a thousand of his Horse-vultures.

[1] Whale's belly | Will become an important part of the story in the coming sections.

We passed on our way many countries, and actually landed on Lucifer, now in process of settlement, to water. We then entered the Zodiac and passed the Sun on the left, coasting close by it. My crew was very desirous of landing, but the wind would not allow of this. We had a good view of the country, however, and found it covered with vegetation, rich, well-watered, and full of all good things. The Cloud-centaurs, now in Phaethon’s pay, espied us and pounced upon the ship, but left us alone when they learned that we were parties to the treaty.

By this time our escort had gone home. We now took a downward course, and twenty-four hours’ sailing brought us to Lampton [1]. This lies between the atmospheres of the Pleiades [2] and the Hyades [3], though in point of altitude it is considerably lower than the Zodiac [4]. When we landed, we found no human beings, but numberless lamps bustling about or spending their time in the market-place and harbor; some were small, and might represent the lower classes, while a few, the great and powerful, were exceedingly bright and conspicuous. They all had their own homes or lodgings, and their individual names, like us; we heard them speak, and they did us no harm, offering us entertainment, on the contrary; but we were under some apprehension, and none of us accepted either food or bed. There is a Government House in the middle of the city, where the Governor sits all night long calling the roll-call; anyone not answering to his name is capitally punished as a deserter; that is to say, he is extinguished. We were present and witnessed the proceedings, and heard lamps defending their conduct and advancing reasons for their lateness. I there recognized our own house lamp, accosted him, and asked for news of my friends, in which he satisfied me. We stayed there that night, set sail next morning, and found ourselves sailing, now, nearly as low as the clouds. Here we were surprised to find Cloud-cuckoo-land [5]; we were prevented from landing by the direction of the wind, but learned that the King’s name was Crookbeak, son of Fitz–Ousel. I bethought me of Aristophanes [6], the learned and veracious poet whose statements had met with unmerited incredulity. Three days more, and we had a distinct view of the Ocean, though there was no land visible except the islands suspended in air; and these had now assumed a brilliant fiery hue. About noon on the fourth day the wind slackened and fell, and we were deposited upon the sea.

[1] Lampton | Gr. Lyknopolis, the city of the Lamps. Perhaps suggested by Herodotus (2.62) of the Feast of Lanterns at Sais in Egypt: “At the times when they gather together at the city of Saïs for their sacrifices, on a certain night they all kindle lamps many in number in the open air round about the houses; now the lamps are saucers full of salt and oil mixed, and the wick floats by itself on the surface, and this burns during the whole night; and to the festival is given the name Lychnocaia (the lighting of the lamps). Moreover those of the Egyptians who have not come to this solemn assembly observe the night of the festival and themselves also light lamps all of them, and thus not in Saïs alone are they lighted, but overall Egypt: and as to the reason why light and honor are allotted to this night.”⁷⁾

[2] Pleiades | Open cluster of stars in the constellation Taurus.

[3] Hyades | A cluster of stars, the Hyades, set in the head of Taurus.

[4] Zodiac | The zodiac is a circle of twelve 30° divisions of celestial longitude that are centered upon the ecliptic: the apparent path of the Sun across the celestial sphere over the course of the year.

[5] Cloud-cuckoo-land | Gr. Nephelokokkygia, the cloud-cuckoo.

[6] Aristophanes | Nephelokokkygia is a fantastical place mentioned in Aristophanes' Birds.

The joy and delight with which the touch of water affected us is indescribable; transported at our good fortune, we flung ourselves overboard and swam, the weather being calm and the sea smooth. Alas, how often is a change for the better no more than the beginning of disaster! We had but two days’ delightful sail, and by the rising sun of the third we beheld a crowd of whales and marine monsters, and among them one far larger than the rest — some two hundred miles in length [1]. It came on open-mouthed, agitating the sea far in front, bathed in foam, and exhibiting teeth whose length much surpassed the height of our great phallic images [2], all pointed like sharp stakes and white as elephants’ tusks. We gave each other a last greeting, took a last embrace, and so awaited our doom. The monster was upon us; it sucked us in; it swallowed ship and crew entire. We escaped being ground by its teeth, the ship gliding in through the interstices.

[1] Two hundred miles in length | Equivalent to fifteen hundred stadia long.

[2] Phallic images | If the teeth of this monster were only in proportion to his whole bodily circumference, we can here admit no smaller phalli than the colossal ones of which mention is made in the Syrian Goddess, which by the most reasonable measure, were thirty fathom or 180 feet high, and yet can come into no comparison with the teeth of a Caschelottan, which were 930,000 feet in length.

Inside, all was darkness at first, in which we could distinguish nothing; but when it next opened its mouth, an enormous cavern was revealed, of great extent and height; a city of ten thousand inhabitants might have had room in it. Strewn about were small fish, thedisjecta membra of many kinds of animal, ships’ masts and anchors, human bones, and merchandise; in the center was land with hillocks upon it, the alluvial deposit, I supposed, from what the whale swallowed. This was wooded with trees of all kinds, and vegetables were growing with all the appearance of cultivation. The coast might have measured thirty miles round [1]. Sea-birds, such as gulls and halcyons [2], nested on the trees.

[1] Thirty miles round | Two hundred and forty stadia.

[2] Gulls and halcyons | Gulls and halcyons do not build nests in trees.

We spent some time weeping, but at last got our men up and had the ship made fast, while we rubbed wood to get a fire and prepared a meal out of the plentiful materials around us; there were fragments of various fish, and the water we had taken in at Lucifer was unexhausted. Upon getting up next day, we caught glimpses, as often as the whale opened his mouth, of land, of mountains, it might be of the sky alone, or often of islands; we realized that he was dashing at a great rate to every part of the sea. We grew accustomed to our condition in time, and I then took seven of my comrades and entered the wood in search of information. I had scarcely gone half a mile when I came upon a shrine, which its inscription showed to have been raised to Poseidon; a little further were a number of graves with pillars upon them, and close by a spring of clear water; we also heard a dog bark, saw some distant smoke, and conjectured that there must be a habitation.

We accordingly pressed on, and found ourselves in presence of an old man and a younger one, who were working hard at a plot of ground and watering it by a channel from the spring. We stood still, divided between fear and delight. They were standing speechless, no doubt with much the same feelings. At length the old man spoke:—‘What are you, strangers; are you spirits of the sea, or unfortunate mortals like ourselves? As for us, we are men, bred on land; but now we have suffered a sea change, and swim about in this containing monster, scarce knowing how to describe our state; reason tells us we are dead, but instinct that we live.’ This loosed my tongue in turn. ‘We too, father,’ I said, ‘are men, just arrived; it is but a day or two since we were swallowed with our ship. And now we have come forth to explore the forest; for we saw that it was vast and dense. Methinks some heavenly guide has brought us to the sight of you, to the knowledge that we are not prisoned all alone in this monster. I pray you, let us know your tale, who you are and how you entered.’ Then he said that, before he asked or answered questions, he must give us such entertainment as he could; so saying, he brought us to his house — a sufficient dwelling furnished with beds and what else he might need —, and set before us green-stuff and nuts and fish, with wine for drink. When we had eaten our fill, he asked for our story. I told him all as it had passed, the storm, the island, the airy voyage, the war, and so to our descent into the whale.

It was very strange, he said, and then gave us his history in return. ‘I am a Cyprian, gentlemen. I left my native land on a trading voyage with my son here and a number of servants. We had a fine ship, with a mixed cargo for Italy; you may have seen the wreckage in the whale’s mouth. We had a fair voyage to Sicily, but on leaving it were caught in a gale, and carried in three days out to the Atlantic, where we fell in with the whale and were swallowed, ship and crew; of the latter we two alone survived. We buried our men, built a temple to Poseidon, and now live this life, cultivating our garden, and feeding on fish and nuts. It is a great wood, as you see, and in it are vines in plenty, from which we get delicious wine; our spring you may have noticed; its water is of the purest and coldest. We use leaves for bedding, keep a good fire, snare the birds that fly in, and catch living fish by going out on the monster’s gills; it is there also that we take our bath when we are disposed. There is moreover at no great distance a salt lake two or three miles round, producing all sorts of fish; in this we swim and sail, in a little boat of my building. It is now seven and twenty years since we were swallowed.

‘Our lot might have been endurable enough, but we have bad and troublesome neighbors, unfriendly savages all.’ ‘What,’ said I, ‘are there other inhabitants?’ ‘A great many,’ he replied, ‘inhospitable and abhorrent to the sight. The western part of the wood (so to name the caudal region) is occupied by the Stockfish tribe [1]; they have eels’ eyes and lobster faces, are bold warriors, and eat their meat raw. Of the sides of the cavern, the right belongs to the Tritonomendetes [2], who from the waist upwards are human, and weasels below; their notions of justice are slightly less rudimentary than the others’. The left is in possession of the Crabhands [3] and the Tunnyheads [4], two tribes in close alliance. The central part is inhabited by the Crays [5] and the Flounderfoots [6], the latter warlike and extremely swift. As to this district near the mouth, the East, as it were, it is in great part desert, owing to the frequent inundations. I hold it of the Flounderfoots, paying an annual tribute of five hundred oysters. [7]

[1] Stockfish tribe | Gr. Tarichanes, salt-fish-men.

[2] Tritonomendetes | triton-weasels.

[3] Crabhands | Gr. Karkinokhires, cancri-mani, crab's hands.

[4] Tunnyheads | Gr. Thynnokephali, tunny-heads, i.e. men with heads like those of the tunnyfish.

[5] Crays | Gr. Paguarde, crabmen.

[6] Flounderfoots | Gr. Psittopodes, sparrow-footed from passer marinus.

[7] These descriptions are reminiscent of the meeting of Greek colonists with the native peoples.

[1] ‘Such is the land; and now it is for you to consider how we may make head against all these tribes, and what shall be our manner of life.’ ‘What may their numbers be, all told?’ I asked. ‘More than a thousand.’ ‘And how armed?’ ‘They have no arms but fishbones.’ ‘Why then,’ I said, ‘let us fight them by all means; we are armed, and they are not; and, if we win, we shall live secure.’ We agreed on this course, and returned to the ship to make our preparations. The pretext for war was to be non-payment of the tribute, which was on the point of falling due. Messengers, in fact, shortly came to demand it, but the old man sent them about their business with an insolent answer. The Flounderfoots and Crays were enraged and commenced operations with a tumultuous inroad upon Scintharus — this was our old man’s name.

[1] Begins an interlude with no annotations.

Expecting this, we were awaiting the attack in full armor. We had put five and twenty men in ambush, with directions to fall on the enemy’s rear as soon as they had passed; they executed their orders, and came on from behind cutting them down, while the rest of us — five and twenty also, including Scintharus and his son — met them face to face with a spirited and resolute attack. It was risky work, but in the end we routed and chased them to their dens. They left one hundred and seventy dead, while we lost only our navigating officer, stabbed in the back with a mullet rib, and one other.

We held the battlefield for the rest of that day and the night following, and erected a trophy consisting of a dolphin’s backbone upright. Next day the news brought the other tribes out, with the Stockfish under a general called Slimer on the right, the Tunnyheads on the left, and the Crabhands in the center; the Tritonomendetes stayed at home, preferring neutrality. We did not wait to be attacked, but charged them near Poseidon’s temple with loud shouts, which echoed as in a subterranean cave. Their want of armor gave us the victory; we pursued them to the wood, and were henceforth masters.

Soon after, they sent heralds to treat for recovery of their dead, and for peace. But we decided to make no terms with them, and marching out next day exterminated the whole, with the exception of the Tritonomendetes. These too, when they saw what was going on, made a rush for the gills, and cast themselves into the sea. We went over the country, now clear of enemies, and occupied it from that time in security. Our usual employments were exercise, hunting, vine-dressing, and fruit-gathering; we were in the position of men in a vast prison from which escape is out of the question, but within which they have luxury and freedom of movement. This manner of life lasted for a year and eight months.

It was on the fifth of the next month, about the second gape (the whale, I should say, gaped regularly once an hour, and we reckoned time that way)— about the second gape, then, a sudden shouting and tumult became audible; it sounded like boatswains giving the time and oars beating. Much excited, we crept right out into our monster’s mouth, stood inside the teeth, and beheld the most extraordinary spectacle I ever looked upon — giants of a hundred yards in height rowing great islands as we do triremes. I am aware that what I am to relate must sound improbable; but I cannot help it. Very long islands they were, but of no great height; the circumference of each would be about eleven miles; and its complement of giants was some hundred and twenty. Of these some sat along each side of the island, rowing with big cypresses, from which the branches and leaves were not stripped; in the stern, so to speak, was a considerable hillock, on which stood the helmsman with his hand on a brazen steering-oar of half a mile in length; and on the deck forward were forty in armor, the combatants; they resembled men except in their hair, which was flaming fire, so that they could dispense with helmets. The work of sails was done by the abundant forest on all the islands, which so caught and held the wind that it drove them where the steersman wished; there was a boatswain timing the stroke, and the islands jumped to it like great galleys.

[1] We had seen only two or three at first; but there appeared afterwards as many as six hundred, which formed in two lines and commenced an action. Many crashed into each other stem to stem, many were rammed and sunk, and others grappled, fought an obstinate duel, and could hardly get clear after it. Great courage was shown by the troops on deck, who boarded and dealt destruction, giving no quarter. Instead of grappling-irons, they used huge captive squids [2], which they swung out on to the hostile island; these grappled the wood and so held the island fast. Their missiles, effective enough, were oysters the size of wagons, and sponges which might cover an acre. Aeolocentaur and Thalassopot [3] were the names of the rival chiefs; and the question between them was one of plunder; Thalassopot was supposed to have driven off several herds of dolphins, the other’s property; we could hear them vociferating the charge and calling out their Kings’ names. Aeolocentaur’s fleet finally won, sinking one hundred and fifty of the enemy’s islands and capturing three with their crews; the remainder backed away, turned and fled. The victors pursued some way, but, as it was now evening, returned to the disabled ones, secured most of the enemy’s, and recovered their own, of which as many as eighty had been sunk. As a trophy of victory they slung one of the enemy’s islands to a stake which they planted in our whale’s head. They lay moored round him that night, attaching cables to him or anchoring hard by; they had vast glass anchors, very strong. Next morning they sacrificed on the whale’s back, buried their dead there, and sailed off rejoicing, with something corresponding to our paean. So ended the battle of the islands. [4]

[1] Here Lucian gives a very fair mockery of descriptions of naval engagements such as that in Thucydides at Naupactus 2.83-92 or the sea-fight in the harbor of Sicily 7.70-71.

[2] Huge captive squids | Aelian, Varia Historia, Chapter 1, described the habits of the polypus (squid) and its mode of lying in wait for and catching its prey: “Of the Polypus. The Polypusses are so ravenous that they devour all they light on; so that many times they abstain not even from one another. The lesser taken by the greater, and falling into his stronger nets, (which are usually called the hairs or grasps of the Fish) becometh his prey. They also betray Fishes in this manner; lurking under the Rocks they change themselves to their color, and seem to be all one with the Rock itself. When therefore the Fishes swim to the Rocks, and so to the Polypus, they entangle them in their nets, or grasps.”⁸⁾ Pliny, Natural History 9.29, mentions an enormous one with feelers thirty feet long, which is doubtless and exaggeration of fact as it appears from the actual size of an octopus.⁹⁾ See endnote for detail.

[3] Aeolocentaur and Thalassopot | It is supposed these creatures were Leviathan-like. Thalassopotes is Greek for “the drinker of the sea”.

[4] So ended the battle of the islands | Lucian is mirroring the language used at the end of Sicilian Expedition in Thucydides. Lucian possibly intended for this last section to be a parody of Thucydides' work. Thucydides, in grand language, 7.87: “This was the greatest Hellenic achievement of any in this war, or, in my opinion, in Hellenic history; at once most glorious to the victors, and most calamitous to the conquered. They were beaten at all points and altogether; all that they suffered was great; they were destroyed, as the saying is, with a total destruction, their fleet, their army, everything was destroyed, and few out of many returned home. Such were the events in Sicily.”¹⁰⁾

I now began to find life in the whale unendurable; I was tired to death of it, and concentrated my thoughts on plans of escape. Our first idea was to excavate a passage through the beast’s right side, and go out through it. We actually began boring, but gave it up when we had penetrated half a mile without getting through. We then determined to set fire to the forest, our object being the death of the whale, which would remove all difficulties. We started burning from the tail end; but for a whole week he made no sign; on the eighth and ninth days it was apparent that he was unwell; his jaws opened only languidly, and each time closed again very soon. On the tenth and eleventh days mortification had set in, evidenced by a horrible stench; on the twelfth, it occurred to us, just in time, that we must take the next occasion of the mouth’s being open to insert props between the upper and lower molars, and so prevent his closing it; else we should be imprisoned and perish in the dead body. We successfully used great beams for the purpose, and then got the ship ready with all the water and provisions we could manage. Scintharus was to navigate her. Next day the whale was dead. [1]

[1] The whale episode is not particular to Lucian, but has hints of other traditions throughout the Mediterranean, most notably being the story of Jonah. In an interesting letter from Augustine of Hippo to Deogratias (Letter CII, Section 30), he is skeptical of the tale of the survival in a whale's belly showing credulity on all accounts: “The last question proposed is concerning Jonah, and it is put as if it were not from Porphyry, but as being a standing subject of ridicule among the Pagans; for his words are: “In the next place, what are we to believe concerning Jonah, who is said to have been three days in a whale’s belly? The thing is utterly improbable and incredible, that a man swallowed with his clothes on should have existed in the inside of a fish. If, however, the story is figurative, be pleased to explain it. Again, what is meant by the story that a gourd sprang up above the head of Jonah after he was vomited by the fish? What was the cause of this gourd’s growth? Questions such as these I have seen discussed by Pagans amidst loud laughter, and with great scorn.”¹¹⁾

We hauled the vessel up, brought her through one of the gaps, slung her to the teeth, and so let her gently down to the water. We then ascended the back, where we sacrificed to Poseidon by the side of the trophy, and, as there was no wind, encamped there for three days. On the fourth day we were able to start. We found and came into contact with many corpses, the relics of the sea-fight, and our wonder was heightened when we measured them. For some days we enjoyed a moderate breeze, after which a violent north wind rose, bringing hard frost; the whole sea was frozen [1] — not merely crusted over, but solidified to four hundred fathoms’ depth; we got out and walked about. The continuance of the wind making life intolerable, we adopted the plan, suggested by Scintharus, of hewing an extensive cavern in the ice, in which we stayed a month, lighting fires and feeding on fish [2]; we had only to dig these out. In the end, however, provisions ran short, and we came out; the ship was frozen in, but we got her free; we then hoisted sail, and were carried along as well as if we had been afloat, gliding smoothly and easily over the ice. After five days more the temperature rose, a thaw set in, and all was water again.

[1] The whole sea was frozen | Perhaps an allusion to Herodotus 4.28 concerning the sea freezing on Palus Moeotis so that wagons are driven over ice. Lucian presumably knew nothing of a real frozen sea and thought that lighting a fire on the ice an impossibility. Herodotus 4.28: “This whole land which has been described is so exceedingly severe in climate, that for eight months of the year there is frost so hard as to be intolerable; and during these if you pour out water you will not be able to make mud, but only if you kindle a fire can you make it; and the sea is frozen and the whole of the Kimmerian Bosphorus, so that the Scythians who are settled within the trench make expeditions and drive their wagons over into the country of the Sindians. Thus it continues to be winter for eight months, and even for the remaining four it is cold in those parts. This winter is distinguished in its character from all the winters which come in other parts of the world; for in it there is no rain to speak of at the usual season for rain, whereas in summer it rains continually; and thunder does not come at the time when it comes in other countries, but is very frequent, in the summer; and if thunder comes in winter, it is marveled at as a prodigy: just so, if an earthquake happens, whether in summer or in winter, it is accounted a prodigy in Scythia. Horses are able to endure this winter, but neither mules nor asses can endure it at all, whereas in other countries horses if they stand in frost lose their limbs by mortification, while asses and mules endure it.”¹²⁾

[2] A scholiast was angry with the shear inbelievability of this fictional account as if there were other parts of the True History that were more believable. Lucian obviously wishes to carry the marvelous tale to its extreme degree of absurdity. The scholiast missed the memo that the True History is composed of lies and hyperbole.

A stretch of five and thirty miles brought us to a small desert isle, where we got water — of which we were now in want —, and shot two wild bulls before we departed. These animals had their horns not on the top of the head, but, as Momus [1] recommended, below the eyes. Not long after this, we entered a sea of milk, in which we observed an island, white in color, and full of vines. The island was one great cheese, quite firm, as we afterwards ascertained by eating it, and three miles round. The vines were covered with fruit, but the drink we squeezed from it was milk instead of wine. In the center of the island was a temple to Galatea the Nereid [2], as the inscription informed us. During our stay there, the ground itself served us for bread and meat, and the vine-milk for drink. We learned that the queen of these regions was Tyro [3], daughter of Salmoneus, on whom Poseidon had conferred this dignity at her decease. [4]

[1] Momus | The god of mockery, censorious criticism, and according to Hesiod a son of Night. This piece of ridicule about the bull's horns is referred by Lucian in his dialogue Nigrinus 32: “One observation of his in the same spirit fairly caps the famous censure of Momus. Momus found fault with the divine artificer for not putting his bull’s horns in front of the eyes.”¹³⁾

[2] Galatea the Nereid | One of the fifty Nereids, or Sea-Nymphs; so-called on account of the fairness of their skin. Etymology from gala, milk. She was from a milky island; therefore, she was naturally the presiding deity.

[3] Tyro | According to Homer, Tyro fell in love with the famous river Enipeus and was always wandering on his banks where Poseidon found her and he covered with her waves. Throwing her in a deep sleep; he supplied for her the place of Enipeus. Lucian has made her amends by naming one of his imaginary kingdoms for her. Lucian's part of the story though is fanciful.

[4] Galatea and Tyro | Galatea and Tyro recall the Greek words for “milk”, gala, and “cheese”, tyros.

After spending five days there we started again with a gentle breeze and a rippling sea. A few days later, when we had emerged from the milk into blue salt water, we saw numbers of men walking on the sea; they were like ourselves in shape and stature, with the one exception of the feet, which were of cork; whence, no doubt, their name of Corksoles [1]. It struck us as curious that they did not sink in, but travelled quite comfortably clear of the water. Some of them came up and hailed us in Greek, saying that they were making their way to their native land of Cork. They ran alongside for some distance, and then turned off and went their own way, wishing us a pleasant voyage. A little further we saw several islands; close to us on the left was Cork, our friends’ destination, consisting of a city founded on a vast round cork; at a greater distance, and a little to the right, were five others of considerable size and high out of the water, with great flames rising from them.

[1] Corksoles | Gr. Phellopodes, cork-footed.

There was also a broad low one, as much as sixty miles in length, and straight in our course. As we drew near it, a marvelous air was wafted to us, exquisitely fragrant, like the scent which Herodotus describes as coming from Arabia Felix [1]. Its sweetness seemed compounded of rose, narcissus, hyacinth, lilies and violets, myrtle and bay and flowering vine. Ravished with the perfume, and hoping for reward of our long toils, we drew slowly near. Then were unfolded to us haven after haven, spacious and sheltered, and crystal rivers flowing placidly to the sea. There were meadows and groves and sweet birds, some singing on the shore, some on the branches; the whole bathed in limpid balmy air. Sweet zephyrs just stirred the woods with their breath, and brought whispering melody, delicious, incessant, from the swaying branches; it was like Pan-pipes heard in a desert place [2]. And with it all there mingled a volume of human sound, a sound not of tumult, but rather of revels where some flute, and some praise the fluting, and some clap their hands commending flute or harp.

[1] Arabia Felix | Herodotus 3.113: “Let what we have said suffice with regard to spices; and from the land of Arabia there blows a scent of them most marvelously sweet.“¹⁴⁾

[2] Pan-pipes | It appears to have been a common practice with the shepherds who had won some prize on the seven-holed flute, to hang it up in honor of Pan in some solitary open place in the border of their pastures, in such manner that the wind (somewhat as with the Aeolian harp) produced from it a melodious murmuring strain.

Drawn by the spell of it we came to land, moored the ship, and left her, in charge of Scintharus and two others. Taking our way through flowery meadows we came upon the guardians of the peace, who bound us with rose-garlands — their strongest fetters — and brought us to the governor. As we went they told us this was the island called of the Blest [1], and its governor the Cretan Rhadamanthus [2]. When we reached the court, we found there were three cases to be taken before our turn would come.

[1] Island called of the Blest | This description of Elysium, or the Island of the Blest, is well drawn, and abounds in fanciful and picturesque imagery, interspersed with strokes of humor and satire. Pindar's “Second Olympic Ode”, 2.73-83, appears to be alluded to in the text by Lucian: “Those who have persevered three times, on either side, to keep their souls free from all wrongdoing, follow Zeus' road to the end, to the tower of Cronus, where ocean breezes blow around the island of the blessed, and flowers of gold are blazing, some from splendid trees on land, while water nurtures others. With these wreaths and garlands of flowers they entwine their hands according to the righteous counsels of Rhadamanthys, whom the great father, the husband of Rhea whose throne is above all others, keeps close beside him as his partner. Peleus and Cadmus are counted among them, and Achilles who was brought there by his mother, when she had persuaded the heart of Zeus with her prayers — Achilles, who laid low Hector, the irresistible, unswerving pillar of Troy, and who consigned to death Memnon the Ethiopian, son of the Dawn.”¹⁵⁾

[2] Cretan Rhadamanthus | In Greek mythology, Rhadamanthus was a wise king, the son of Zeus and Europa. Later accounts even make him out to be one of the judges of the dead. His brothers were Sarpedon and Minos (also a king and later a judge of the dead).

The first was that of Ajax [1], son of Telamon, and the question was whether he was to be admitted to the company of Heroes [2]; it was objected that he had been mad and taken his own life. After long pleadings Rhadamanthus gave his decision: he was to be put under the charge of Hippocrates the physician of Cos [3] for the hellebore treatment [4], and, when he had recovered his wits, to be made free of the table.

[1] Ajax | Lucian degrades him from the character of a hero, and gives him hellebore as a madman. Upon being defeated by Odysseus in a contest for the arms of Achilles, Ajax was seized by madness and began to slaughter the sheep of the Greek army under the impression that they were his enemies.

[2] Company of Heroes | The inhabitants of Elysium, or the Island of the Blessed, consist of two classes, the heroes and the demigods, and the wise and good men, who lived subsequent to the heroic age.

[3] Hippocrates the physician of Cos | Hippocrates was an ////ancient//// Greek ////physician//// of the Age of Pericles (Classical Greece), and is considered one of the most outstanding figures in the history of medicine. He is referred to as the father of western medicine in recognition of his lasting contributions to the field as the founder of the Hippocratic School of Medicine. This intellectual school revolutionized medicine in ancient Greece, establishing it as a discipline distinct from other fields that it had traditionally been associated with (notably theurgy and philosophy), thus establishing medicine as a profession.

[4] Hellebore treatment | Hellebore was used by the ancients as a treatment for paralysis, gout, and other diseases, but most particularly for insanity.

The second was a matrimonial case, the parties Theseus and Menelaus, and the issue possession of Helen. Rhadamanthus gave it in favor of Menelaus, on the ground of the great toils and dangers the match had cost him — added to the fact that Theseus was provided with other wives in the Amazon queen and the daughters of Minos. [1]

[1] Helen | In her youth, Helen of Troy was carried off to Athens by Theseus and his friend Pirithous, but was rescued by her brothers Castor and Pollux, and afterwards chose Menelaus out of numerous noble suitors to be her husband. The story of her subsequent abduction from Menelaus by Paris, son of Priam, and the Trojan War, is well known.

The third was a dispute for precedence between Alexander son of Philip and Hannibal the Carthaginian; it was won by the former [1], who had a seat assigned him next to Cyrus the elder.

[1] Lucian wrote a dialogue in the Dialogues of the Dead on this topic. In the dialogue, Alexander comes first, then Scipio, and finally Hannibal. See endnote for the full dialogue. ¹⁶⁾

It was now our turn. The judge asked by what right we set foot on this holy ground while yet alive. In answer we related our story. He then had us removed while he held a long consultation with his numerous assessors, among whom was the Athenian Aristides the Just [1]. He finally reached a conclusion and gave judgment: on the charges of curiosity and travelling we were remanded till the date of our deaths; for the present we were to stay in the island, with admission to the Heroic society, for a fixed term, after which we must depart. The limit he appointed for our stay was seven months.

[1] Aristides the Just | Aristides was an ancient Athenian statesman. Nicknamed “the Just”, he flourished in the early quarter of Athens' Classical period and is remembered for his generalship in the Persian War.

Our rose-chains now fell off of their own accord [1], we were released and taken into the city, and to the Table of the Blest. The whole of this city is built of gold [2], and the enclosing wall of emerald. It has seven gates, each made of a single cinnamon plank. The foundations of the houses, and all ground inside the wall, are ivory; temples are built of beryl, and each contains an altar of one amethyst block, on which they offer hecatombs. Round the city flows a river of the finest perfume [3], a hundred royal cubits in breadth, and fifty deep, so that there is good swimming. The baths, supplied with warm dew instead of ordinary water, are in great crystal domes heated with cinnamon wood.

[1] Rose-chains now fell off of their own accord | A close imitation, perhaps a parody, of Xenophon's dream in Anabasis 4.3.8: “But Xenophon had a dream. In his sleep he thought that he was bound in fetters, but these, of their own accord, fell from off him, so that he was loosed, and could stretch his legs as freely as he wished.”¹⁷⁾

[2] Of gold | It is not improbable that Voltaire's El Dorado, in his Candide, might have been suggested to him by this passage.

[3] Perfume | Lucian is very particular about the type of perfume that is flowing in the river, for it is not an ointment, salve, or any other such material. An “essence” would be the most proper way to describe the term. One translator says it is an “oil of roses”.

Their raiment is fine cobweb, purple in color. They have no bodies, but are intangible and unsubstantial — mere form without matter; but, though incorporeal, they stand and move, think and speak; in short, each is a naked soul, but carries about the semblance of body [1]; one who did not touch them would never know that what he looked at was not substantial; they are shadows, but upright [2], and colored. [3] A man there does not grow old, but stays at whatever age he brought with him. There is no night, nor yet bright day; the morning twilight, just before sunrise, gives the best idea of the light that prevails. They have also but one season, perpetual spring, and the wind is always in the west.

[1] Semblance of body | In order to make sense of this sentence, it is presumed that someone who only needs to throw off a single garment (semblance) presents himself in “natural purity”, or, according to the common phraseology of the Greeks, naked. This must be supposed in order to make sense of the sentence.

[2] Shadows but upright | i.e. their appearance is exactly like those of shadows made by the sun at noon day, with this only difference, that one lies flat on the ground, the other is erect, and the one is dark, the other light, even diaphanous. Our common notion of ghosts, especially in regard to their not being tangible, corresponds with that of Lucian's.

[3] And colored … | Lucian has been supposed to be ridiculing Plato's theories concerning the nature of the soul as set forth in the Phaedo and elsewhere. But Plato distinguishes between good and bad souls; only the latter retain the form of the body and are contaminated by it, while the former become pure and immaterial. The satire is directed rather at the popular notion of the spirits of the dead as shadowy human forms, according to the descriptions in Homer and Virgil.

The country abounds in every kind of flower, in shrubs and garden herbs. There are twelve vintages in the year, the grapes ripening every month; and they told us that pomegranates, apples, and other fruits were gathered thirteen times, the trees producing twice in their month Minous [1]. Instead of grain, the corn develops loaves, shaped like mushrooms, at the top of the stalks. Round the city are 365 springs of water, the same of honey, and 500, less in volume however, of perfume. There are also seven rivers of milk and eight of wine.

[1] Minous | Minous, formed by the analogy of Asiatic names of months (with which Lucian must have been familiar), e.g. Hermaeus, Metrous, etc. in Bithynia, Aphrodisius, Caesarius, etc. in Cyprus. The Athenian months were not, except Poseideon, named after the gods or heroes, but marked the seasons for various occupations, as Gamelion, Elaphebolion, etc. The whole description reads like an exaggeration of Homer's account of the gardens of Alcinous, Odyssey 7.114, where fruits of all kinds grew in never-failing succession, ripened by a perpetual west-wind at all seasons of the year. Odyssey 7.114: “Of these the fruit perishes not nor fails in winter or in summer, but lasts throughout the year; and ever does the west wind, as it blows, quicken to life some fruits, and ripen others.”¹⁸⁾

[1] The banqueting-place is arranged outside the city in the Elysian Plain. It is a fair lawn closed in with thick-grown trees of every kind, in the shadow of which the guests recline, on cushions of flowers. The waiting and handing is done by the winds, except only the filling of the wine-cup. That is a service not required; for all round stand great trees of pellucid crystal, whose fruit is drinking-cups of every shape and size. A guest arriving plucks a cup or two and sets them at his place, where they at once fill with wine. So for their drink; and instead of garlands, the nightingales and other singing birds pick flowers with their beaks from the meadows round, and fly over snowing the petals down and singing the while. Nor is perfume forgotten; thick clouds draw it up from the springs and river, and hanging overhead are gently squeezed by the winds till they spray it down in fine dew.

[1] The banqueting-place … | A symposia often was attended by sensuous pleasures like perfumes and garlands.

During the meal there is music and song [1]. In the latter kind, Homer’s verse is the favorite; he is himself a member of the festal company, reclining next above Odysseus [2]. The choirs are of boys and girls, conducted and led by Eunomus the Locrian [3], Arion of Lesbos [4], Anacreon [5] and Stesichorus [6]; this last had made his peace with Helen, and I saw him there. When these have finished, a second choir succeeds, of swans [7] and swallows and nightingales; and when their turn is done, all the trees begin to pipe, conducted by the winds.

[1] Epic poetry was performed by a bard, like Demodocus in the Odyssey, accompanied by the lyre and song. It appears that Lucian had a real respect for Homer, notwithstanding what he said about him in his preface. Odyssey 8.42-45: “And summon hither the divine minstrel, Demodocus; for to him above all others has the god granted skill in song, to give delight in whatever way his spirit prompts.”¹⁹⁾

[2] Odysseus | A legendary ////Greek//// king of ////Ithaca//// and a hero of ////Homer////'s ////epic poem//// the ////Odyssey////. Odysseus also plays a key role in Homer's ////Iliad//// and other works in that same ////Epic Cycle////. Husband of Penelope, father of Telemachus, and son of Laërtes and Anticlea, Odysseus is renowned for his brilliance, guile, and versatility (polytropos), and is hence known by the epithet Odysseus the Cunning (mētis, or “cunning intelligence”). He is most famous for the ten eventful years he took to return home after the decade-long Trojan War and his famous Trojan Horse ploy to capture the city of Troy.

[3] Eunomus the Locrian | A famous musician. Clement of Alexandria gives us a full account of him. In a musical contest in summer time Eunomus broke a string of his lyre; whereupon a grasshopper that had been chirping near sprang upon the neck of the instrument and sang as upon a branch. The minstrel, adapting his strain to the grasshopper's song, made up for the want of the missing string. According to Strabo, a statue of Eunomus with the grasshopper and the lyre was erected at Locri.

[4] Arion of Lesbos | Arion, the celebrated lyric poet, harpist, and composer of the dithyramb. Dithyrambs were choral songs in honor of the god Dionysius.

[5] Anacreon | Anacreon, writer of lyric love poetry, died circa 530 BC. Later Greeks included him in the canonical list of nine lyric poets.

[6] Stesichorus | This poet, we are told, wrote some severe verses on Helen, for which he was punished by Castor and Pollux with a loss of sight. But on making his recantation in a palinodia, his eyes were graciously restored to him. Lucian has disrespected Helen still more grossly, by making her run away with Cinyrus; but he, being not over superstition, defied the power of Castor and Pollux.

[7] Swans | Swans were a popular topic for encomium in antiquity.

I have still to add the most important element in their good cheer: there are two springs hard by, called the Fountain of Laughter, and the Fountain of Delight [1]. They all take a draught of both these before the banquet begins, after which the time goes merrily and sweetly.

[1] Fountain of Laughter, and the Fountain of Delight | An allusion to writings of Theopompus of Chios via Aelian: “He added what is yet more wonderful, that there are men living amongst them called Meropes, who inhabit many great Cities; and that at the farthest end of their Country there is a place named Anostus, (from whence there is no return) which resembles a Gulf; it is neither very light nor very dark, the air being dusky intermingled with a kind of Red: That there are two Rivers in this place, one of Pleasure, the other of Grief; and that along each River grow Trees of the bigness of a Plane-tree. Those which grow up by the River of Grief bear fruit of this nature; if anyone eats of them, he shall spend all the rest of his life in tears and grief, and so die. The other Trees which grow by the River of Pleasure produce fruit of a contrary nature, for who tastes thereof shall be eased from all his former desires: If he loved anything, he shall quite forget it; and in a short time shall become younger, and live over again his former years: he shall cast off old age, and return to the prime of his strength, becoming first a young man, then a child, lastly, an infant, and so die.”²⁰⁾

I should now like to name the famous persons I saw. To begin with, all the demi-gods, and the besiegers of Troy, with the exception of Ajax the Locrian [1]; he, they said, was undergoing punishment in the place of the wicked. Of barbarians there were the two Cyruses [2], Anacharsis the Scythian [3], Zamolxis the Thracian [4], and the Latin Numa [5]; and then Lycurgus the Spartan [6], Phocion [7] and Tellus of Athens [8], and the Wise Men [9], but without Periander [10]. And I saw Socrates son of Sophroniscus [11] in converse with Nestor [12] and Palamedes [13]; clustered round him were Hyacinth the Spartan [14], Narcissus of Thespiae [15], Hylas [16], and many another comely boy [17]. With Hyacinth I suspected that he was in love; at least he was forever poking questions at him. I heard that Rhadamanthus was dissatisfied with Socrates, and had several times threatened him with expulsion, if he insisted on talking nonsense, and would not drop his irony and enjoy himself. Plato [18] was the only one I missed, but I was told that he was living in his own Utopia, working the constitution and laws which he had drawn up.

[1] Ajax the Locrian | Ravished Cassandra, the daughter of Priam, and priestess of Athena, who sent a tempest, dispersed the Hellenic army in their return home and sunk Ajax with a thunderbolt. Ajax, son of Oileus (to be distinguished from Ajax, son of Telemon), was shipwrecked on his return from Troy, but reached a rock in safety. As, however, he boasted that he would escape in defiance of the gods, Poseidon split the rock with his trident and drowned him.

[2] Two Cyruses | i.e. Cyrus the Elder, founder of the Persian Empire, and Cyrus the Younger, who was killed in 401 BC at the Battle of Cunaxa, when conspiring against his brother Artaxerxes with the aid of the Greek Ten Thousand.

[3] Anacharsis the Scythian | A high born Scythian who travelled in search of knowledge and received instruction from Solon. His countrymen (some say his brother) killed him on his return for introducing new ceremonies and customs. Herodotus 4.76: “So when he came to Scythia he went down into the region called Hylaia (this is along by the side of the racecourse of Achilles and is quite full, as it happens, of trees of all kinds), — into this, I say, Anacharsis went down, and proceeded to perform all the ceremonies of the festival in honor of the goddess, with a kettle-drum and with images hung about himself. And one of the Scythians perceived him doing this and declared it to Saulios the king; and the king came himself also, and when he saw Anacharsis doing this, he shot him with an arrow and killed him. Accordingly at the present time if one asks about Anacharsis, the Scythians say that they do not know him, and for this reason, because he went out of his own country to Hellas and adopted foreign customs.”²¹⁾

[4] Zamolxis the Thracian | A scholar of Pythagoras who taught his master's philosophy to the Thracians who thereafter worshipped Zalmolxis as the Good Spirit to whom they expected to meet after death.

[5] Numa | Second king of Rome, and reputed author of much of Rome's primitive law and religion. Often paired with Lycurgus as is the case in Plutarch's Parallel Lives.

[6] Lycurgus the Spartan | Lycurgus was the legendary lawgiver of Sparta, who established the military-oriented reformation of Spartan society in accordance with the Oracle of Apollo at Delphi. All his reforms were directed towards the three Spartan virtues: equality (among citizens), military fitness, and austerity.

[7] Phocion | The leader of the peace party at Athens, and the chief opponent of Demosthenes on the war with Philip. He was distinguished for the uprightness of his policies and became in high favor with Alexander. The Athenians accused him of treason, and put him to death, 317 BC.

[8] Tellus of Athens | Lived and died on behalf of his country. In the celebrated discourse with Croesus, Solon assigned him second place, according to Lucian, in respect to human happiness. Herodotus, 1.30, places him first. He died fighting bravely in a border war with the Eleusinians, and was honored with a public funeral. Herodotus 1.30: “’Now therefore a desire has come upon me to ask you whether you have seen any whom you deem to be of all men the most happy.’ This Croesus asked supposing that he himself was the happiest of men; but Solon, using no flattery but the truth only, said: ‘Yes, O king, Tellos the Athenian.’ And Croesus, marveling at that which he said, asked him earnestly: ‘In what respect do you judge Tellos to be the most happy?’ And he said: ‘Tellos, in the first place, living while his native State was prosperous, had sons fair and good and saw from all of them children begotten and living to grow up; and secondly he had what with us is accounted wealth, and after his life a most glorious end: for when a battle was fought by the Athenians at Eleusis against the neighboring people, he brought up supports and routed the foe and there died by a most fair death; and the Athenians buried him publicly where he fell, and honored him greatly.’”²²⁾

[9] Wisemen | The Seven Sages of Greece were Thales, Bias, Pittacus, Solon, Cleobulus, Chilon, Periander. The last named was tyrant of Corinth and forfeited his place in Elysium by the oppressive government of his later years.

[10] Periander | Considered one of the seven sages, Lucian excludes him because he was the king of Corinth and a tyrant. Controversial figure.

[11] Socrates son of Sophroniscus | Plato, Apology 40e-41b: “For if a man when he reaches the other world, after leaving behind these who claim to be judges, shall find those who are really judges who are said to sit in judgment there, Minos and Rhadamanthus, and Aeacus and Triptolemus, and all the other demigods who were just men in their lives, would the change of habitation be undesirable? Or again, what would any of you give to meet with Orpheus and Musaeus and Hesiod and Homer? I am willing to die many times over, if these things are true; for I personally should find the life there wonderful, when I met Palamedes or Ajax, the son of Telamon, or any other men of old who lost their lives through an unjust judgment, and compared my experience with theirs. I think that would not be unpleasant. And the greatest pleasure would be to pass my time in examining and investigating the people there, as I do those here, to find out who among them is wise and who thinks he is when he is not.”²³⁾

[12] Nestor | The son of Neleus and Chloris and the King of Pylos. One of the generals during the Trojan War. He became king after Heracles killed Neleus and all of Nestor's siblings. His wife was either Eurydice or Anaxibia; their children included Peisistratus, Thrasymedes, Pisidice, Polycaste, Stratichus, Aretus, Echephron, and Antilochus.

[13] Palamedes | One of the Greek heroes who fought against Troy, but was falsely accused of treachery and stoned to death.

[14] Hyacinth the Spartan | A beautiful youth of mythology who was killed accidentally by Apollo with a quoit.

[15] Narcissus of Thespiae | Hunter from the territory of Thespiae in Boeotia who was renowned for his beauty. He was the son of a river god named Cephissus and a nymph named Liriope. He was exceptionally proud, in that he disdained those who loved him. Nemesis saw this and attracted Narcissus to a pool where he saw his own reflection in the water and fell in love with it, not realizing it was merely an image. Unable to leave the beauty of his reflection, Narcissus died.

[16] Hylas | Hylas was a youth who served as a companion of Heracles. His abduction by water nymphs was a theme of ancient art, and has been an enduring subject for Western art in the classical tradition.

[17] Comely boy | A malevolent sneer at Socrates, who had other pleasures in the company of beautiful young men besides that of instructing them. This is most probably a defamation of the character of that philosopher.

[18] Plato | His leaving and quitting Elysium to go live in his own republic is a stroke of true humor.

For popularity, Aristippus and Epicurus [1] bore the palm, in virtue of their kindliness, sociability, and good-fellowship. Aesop the Phrygian [2] was there, and held the office of jester. Diogenes of Sinope [3] was much changed; he had married Lais the courtesan [4], and often in his cups would oblige the company with a dance, or other mad pranks. The Stoics were not represented at all; they were supposed to be still climbing the steep hill of Virtue [5]; and as to Chrysippus [6] himself, we were told that he was not to set foot on the island till he had taken a fourth course of hellebore. The Academics contemplated coming, but were taking time for consideration; they could not yet regard it as a certainty that any such island existed. There was probably the added difficulty that they were not comfortable about the judgment of Rhadamanthus, having themselves disputed the possibility of judgment [7]. It was stated that many of them had started to follow persons travelling to the island, but, their energy failing, had abandoned the journey half-way and gone back.

[1] Aristippus and Epicurus | Aristippus and Epicurus were founders of two sensual schools of philosophy, the Epicurean and the Cyrenaic. Both deemed pleasure to be the end of living.

[2] Aesop the Phrygian | Aesop, the writer of fables, in distinction to Aesop the Roman actor. The slave Aesop is the author of fables in prose, which are no longer extant, with the so-called Aesopic prose fables being spurious. Many of Aesop's original fables were versified in Greek by Babrius and in Latin by Phaedrus.

[3] Diogenes of Sinope | Cynic philosopher whose habitation was a tub. In life, Diogenes went without marriage and family in the quest for self-sufficiency, or autarkeia.

[4] Lais the Courtesan | The celebrated courtesan of Corinth who had real life relations with Aristippus for whom Lucian substitutes Diogenes, the founder of the Cynic School which held opposing beliefs to Aristippus.

[5] Steep hill of Virtue | A reference to Hesiod Works and Days 286-292: “To you, foolish Perses, I will speak good sense. Badness can be got easily and in shoals; the road to her is smooth, and she lives very near us. But between us and Goodness [Virtue] the gods have placed the sweat of our brows; long and steep is the path that leads to her, and it is rough at the first; but when a man has reached the top, then is she easy to reach, though before that she was hard.”²⁴⁾

[6] Chrysippus | The greatest of the Stoics asserted that no man could be a philosopher who had not drunk thrice of hellebore, the antidote to madness.

[7] Disputed possibility of judgment | A central tenet of Ancient Skepticism and the Middle Academy. These philosophers disbelieved in the judgment of the senses, and so, holding that was no criterion or standard of truth, kept their judgment in suspense, and could never reach a definite conclusion. It is obvious that this would be injurious to Rhadamanthus' profession and render his office entirely useless. He, therefore, could not be entirely indifferent to it.

I have mentioned the most noteworthy of the company, and add that the most highly respected among them are, first Achilles, and second Theseus. With regard to love affairs, they think there is nothing indecent in doing what they please before everybody [1]. As to the boys, Socrates swore he meant no harm; and yet, if we credit Narcissus and Hyacinthus, he foreswore himself. The women are all common to all; their love is only Platonic. Boys are supplying themselves to anyone at any time without contention.

[1] Before everybody | i.e. copulate openly. The Greeks held this practice to be associated with the norms of barbarians. Herodotus 3.101: “The sexual intercourse of all these Indians of whom I have spoken is open like that of cattle, and they have all one color of skin, resembling that of the Ethiopians”.²⁵⁾ Xenophon Anabasis 5.4.33-4: “Mossynoecians sought after the women in the Hellenic army, and would gladly have laid with them openly in broad daylight, for that was their custom. “.²⁶⁾

Before many days had passed, I accosted the poet Homer, when we were both disengaged, and asked him, among other things, where he came from; it was still a burning question with us, I explained. He said he was aware that some brought him from Chios, others from Smyrna, and others again from Colophon; the fact was, he was a Babylonian [1], generally known not as Homer, but as Tigranes; but when later in life he was given as ahomer or hostage to the Greeks, that name clung to him. Another of my questions was about the so-called spurious lines; had he written them, or not? He said they were all genuine; so I now knew what to think of the critics Zenodotus and Aristarchus [2], and all their laborious study. Having got a categorical answer on that point, I tried him next on his reason for starting the Iliad at the wrath of Achilles; he said he had no exquisite reason; it had just come into his head that way [3]. Another thing I wanted to know was whether he had composed theOdyssey before theIliad, as generally believed. He said this was not so. As to his reported blindness [4], I did not need to ask; he had his sight, so there was an end of that. It became a habit of mine, whenever I saw him at leisure, to go up and ask him things, and he answered quite readily — especially after his acquittal; a libel suit had been brought against him by Thersites [5], on the ground of the ridicule to which he is subjected in the poem; Homer had briefed Odysseus [6], and been acquitted.

[1] Zenodorus and Aristarchus | Alexandrine editors of Homer, and in making recensions of the text rejected and omitted several passages as spurious. Lucian accuses them of bad taste in so doing.

[2] Babylonian | It is obvious that Lucian merely designs to banter the “micrologists”, who induce controversy, concerning the unknown birthplace of Homer, the subject of entire treatises. A certain Alexander of Paphos has even made him an Egyptian; Lucian pushes Homer still more distant from Greece and places as far off as Babylon.

[3] That way | The Iliad begins with the lines, “Sing, goddess, of the wrath of Achilles”, with the first Greek word being “Wrath”, Mênin. Lucian laughs at a certain pedantic school of criticism that pretended to discover mysterious and hidden meanings in every word. The so-called “micrologists”.

[4] The idea that Homer was blind derives from the Homeric Hymn to Apollo in which the bard says: “Remember me in after time whenever anyone of men on earth, a stranger who has seen and suffered much, comes here and asks of you: “Whom think ye, girls, is the sweetest singer that comes here, and in whom do you most delight?” Then answer, each and all, with one voice: “He is a blind man, and dwells in rocky Chios: his lays are evermore supreme.”²⁷⁾

[5] Thersites | This passage is from the Iliad episode where Thersites abuses Agamemnon, the king, but then is stopped by Odysseus with a golden scepter.

[6] Odysseus | In the Iliad, Odysseus is represented as wily and glib of tongue.

It was during our sojourn that Pythagoras [1] arrived; he had undergone seven transmigrations, lived the lives of that number of animals, and completed his psychic travels. It was the entire right half of him that was gold. He was at once given the franchise, but the question was still pending whether he was to be known as Pythagoras or Euphorbus. Empedocles [2] also came, scorched all over and baked right through; but not all his entreaties could gain him admittance.

[1] Pythagoras | Believed in the theory of transmigration and asserted that his own soul had inhabited the bodies of five men, of whom Euphorbus the Trojan was one. He was said to have had a golden thigh.

[2] Empedocles | A philosopher of Agrigentum (about 440 BC) who was probably refused admittance on account of his skeptical opinions, met with his death by falling into the crater of Etna. Favorite of Lucian's satire; Dialogues of the Dead 6:

“Aeacus. That is Empedocles. He was half-roasted when he got here from Etna.

Menippus. Tell me, my brazen-slippered friend, what induced you to jump into the crater?

Empedocles. I did it in a fit of melancholy.”²⁸⁾

Icaromenippus 13: “At this moment of depression — I was very near tears — who should come up behind me but Empedocles the physicist? His complexion was like charcoal variegated with ashes, as if he had been baked. I will not deny that I felt some tremors at the sight of him, taking him for some lunar spirit. But he said: ‘Do not be afraid, Menippus; A mortal I, no God; how vain thy dreams. I am Empedocles the physicist. When I threw myself into the crater in such a hurry, the smoke of Etna whirled me off up here; and now I live in the Moon, doing a good deal of high thinking on a diet of dew. So I have come to help you out of your difficulty; you are distressed, I take it, at not being able to see everything on the Earth.’ ‘Thank you so much, you good Empedocles,’ I said; ‘as soon as my wings have brought me back to Greece, I will remember to pour libations to you up the chimney, and salute you on the first of every month with three moonward yawns.’”²⁹⁾

The progress of time brought round the Games of the Dead [1]. The umpires were Achilles, holding that office for the fifth, and Theseus for the seventh time. A full report would take too long; but I will summarize the events. The wrestling went to Carus the Heraclid [2], who won the garland from Odysseus. The boxing resulted in a tie; the pair being the Egyptian Areus [3], whose grave is in Corinth, and Epeus [4]. For mixed boxing and wrestling they have no prize. Who won the flat race, I have forgotten. In poetry, Homer really did much the best, but the award was for Hesiod [5]. All prizes were plaited wreaths of peacock feathers.

[1] Games of the Dead | Gr. Thanatusia, in imitation to games played at weddings or funerals. Modeled on the Olympic contests and the Funeral Games for Patroclus and athletic contents among the Phaeacians.

[2] Carus the Heraclid | Otherwise unknown; probably invented by Lucian.

[3] Areus | An Alexandrine philosopher, who with his two sons, Dionysius and Nicantor, instructed Augustus in philosophy. He was also a writer on rhetoric.

[4] Epeus | Winner of the boxing-match at the funeral games of Patroclus in the Iliad.

[5] The award was for Hesiod | Plutarch mentions a contest between Homer and Hesiod at Chalcis, in which the latter won unfairly.

Just after the Games were over, news came that the Damned had broken their fetters, overpowered their guard, and were on the point of invading the island [1], the ringleaders being Phalaris of Agrigentum [2], Busiris the Egyptian [3], Diomedes the Thracian [4], Sciron [5], and Pityocamptes. Rhadamanthus at once drew up the Heroes on the beach, giving the command to Theseus, Achilles, and Ajax Telamonius, now in his right senses. The battle was fought, and won by the Heroes, thanks especially to Achilles. Socrates, who was in the right wing, distinguished himself still more than in his lifetime at Delium [6], standing firm and showing no sign of trepidation as the enemy came on; he was afterwards given as a reward of valor a large and beautiful park in the outskirts, to which he invited his friends for conversation, naming it the Post-mortem Academy.

[1] Broken fetters, overpowered guard, invading island | Perhaps a satirical take on the Myth of Er: Plato Republic 615d-616a: “‘For indeed this was one of the dreadful sights we beheld; when we were near the mouth and about to issue forth and all our other sufferings were ended, we suddenly caught sight of him and of others, the most of them, I may say, tyrants. But there were some of private station, of those who had committed great crimes. And when these supposed that at last they were about to go up and out, the mouth would not receive them, but it bellowed when anyone of the incurably wicked or of those who had not completed their punishment tried to come up. And thereupon,’ he said, ‘savage men of fiery aspect who stood by and took note of the voice laid hold on them3 and bore them away. ”.³⁰⁾

[2] Phalaris of Agrigentum | The famous tyrant of Agrigentum, renowned for his ingenious contrivance of roasting his enemies in a brazen bull, and not less memorable for some spurious epistles. Some later traditions paint Phalaris as a mild and just ruler, forced into severe measures by occasional necessity, and especially as a patron of arts and literature. Lucian’s own expositions Phalaris I & II are rhetorical exercises in support of the view of Phalaris in the later tradition of mildness and justice.

[3] Busiris the Egyptian | Sacrificed to Zeus all the strangers that came into his kingdom; also he was killed by Heracles.

[4] Diomedes the Thracian | A king of Thrace who fed his horses with human flesh. Also slain by Heracles.

[5] Scyron | Scyron and Pityocamptes were two famous robbers who used to seize on travelers and commit the most horrid cruelties on them.

[6] At Delium | Socrates fought at the Battle of Delium, 424 BC, and, when the Athenians were routed and fled in disorder, he retreated quietly and steadily, calmingly surveying friends and foes. On this occasion his superior courage was shown by not retreating at all. Plato Symposium 36: “And further let me tell you, gentlemen, what a notable figure he made when the army was retiring in flight from Delium: I happened to be there on horseback, while he marched under arms. The troops were in utter disorder, and he was retreating along with Laches, when I chanced to come up with them and, as soon as I saw them, passed them the word to have no fear, saying I would not abandon them. Here, indeed, I had an even finer view of Socrates than at Potidaea—for personally I had less reason for alarm, as I was mounted; and I noticed, first, how far he outdid Laches in collectedness, and next I felt—to use a phrase of yours, Aristophanes—how there he stepped along, as his wont is in our streets, ‘strutting like a proud marsh-goose, with ever a side-long glance,’ turning a calm sidelong look on friend and foe alike, and convincing anyone even from afar that whoever cares to touch this person will find he can put up a stout enough defense. The result was that both he and his comrade got away unscathed: for, as a rule, people will not lay a finger on those who show this disposition in war; it is men flying in headlong rout that they pursue.”³¹⁾

The defeated party were seized, re-fettered, and sent back for severer torments. Homer added to his poems a description of this battle and at my departure handed me the manuscript to bring back to the living world; but it was unfortunately lost with our other property. It began with the line:

Tell now, my Muse, how fought the mighty Dead.

According to their custom after successful war, they boiled beans, held the feast of victory, and kept high holiday. From this Pythagoras alone held aloof, fasting and sitting far off, in sign of his abhorrence of bean-eating [1].

[1] Pythagoras … abhorrence of bean-eating | Pythagoras, for an unknown reason (it is said because he believed the souls of the dead to inhabit beans) refused to eat this vegetable, though a vegetarian.

We were in the middle of our seventh month, when an incident happened. Scintharus’s son, Cinyras [1], a fine figure of a man, had fallen in love with Helen some time before, and it was obvious that she was very much taken with the young fellow; there used to be nods and becks and takings of wine between them at table, and they would go off by themselves for strolls in the wood. At last love and despair inspired Cinyras with the idea of an elopement. Helen consented [2], and they were to fly to one of the neighboring islands, Cork or Cheese Island. They had taken three of the boldest of my crew into their confidence; Cinyras said not a word to his father, knowing that he would put a stop to it. The plan was carried out; under cover of night, and in my absence — I had fallen asleep at table —, they got Helen away unobserved and rowed off as hard as they could.

[1] Cinyras (or Kinyras) | A Greek reader would notice that the word kino, which means “copulate”, is an insinuation that he will suffer frustration from pent up sexuality and lust.

[2] Helen consented | In some versions of the abduction of Helen by Paris, Helen is a willing participant. Herodotus 1.4: “Now they say that in their judgment, though it is an act of wrong to carry away women by force, it is a folly to set one’s heart on taking vengeance for their rape, and the wise course is to pay no regard when they have been carried away; for it is evident that they would never be carried away if they were not themselves willing to go.”

About midnight Menelaus woke up, and finding his wife’s place empty raised an alarm, and got his brother to go with him to King Rhadamanthus. Just before dawn the look-outs announced that they could make out the boat, far out at sea. So Rhadamanthus sent fifty of the Heroes on board a boat hollowed out of an asphodel trunk [1], with orders to give chase. Pulling their best, they overtook the fugitives at noon, as they were entering the milky sea near the Isle of Cheese; so nearly was the escape executed. The boat was towed back with a chain of roses. Helen shed tears, and so felt her situation as to draw a veil over her face. As to Cinyras and his associates, Rhadamanthus interrogated them to find whether they had more accomplices, and, being assured to the contrary, had them whipped with mallow twigs, bound, and dismissed to the place of the wicked.

[1] Asphodel trunk | The asphodel is mentioned by several poets in connection with the mythology of death, and by association, the afterlife - specifically the Isles of the Blessed and Elysium - part of the ancient Greek concept of the afterlife. Probably not hefty enough to make a boat of. Some examples from the Odyssey Books 11 and 24:

• (Book 11.1) “So I spoke, and the spirit of the son of Aeacus departed with long strides over the field of asphodel, joyful in that I said that his son was preeminent.”
• (Book 11.2) “And after him I marked huge Orion driving together over the field of asphodel wild beasts which he himself had slain on the lonely hills, and in his hands he held a club all of bronze, ever unbroken.”
• (Book 24) “Past the streams of Oceanus they went, past the rock Leucas, past the gates of the sun and the land of dreams, and quickly came to the mead of asphodel, where the spirits dwell, phantoms of men who have done with toils.”³²⁾

It was further determined that we should be expelled prematurely from the island; we were allowed only one day’s grace. This drew from me loud laments and tears for the bliss that I was now to exchange for renewed wanderings. They consoled me for their sentence, however, by telling me that it would not be many years before I should return to them, and assigning me my chair and my place at table — a distinguished one — in anticipation. I then went to Rhadamanthus, and was urgent with him to reveal the future to me, and give me directions for our voyage. He told me that I should come to my native land after many wanderings and perils, but as to the time of my return he would give me no certainty. He pointed, however, to the neighboring islands, of which five were visible, besides one more distant, and informed me that the wicked inhabited these, the near ones, that is, ‘from which you see the great flames rising; the sixth yonder is the City of Dreams; and beyond that again, but not visible at this distance, is Calypso’s isle [1]. When you have passed these, you will come to the great continent which is opposite your own [2]; there you will have many adventures, traverse divers tribes, sojourn among inhospitable men, and at last reach your own continent.’ That was all he would say.

[1] Calypso's isle | Calypso, a nymph who lived on the island of Ogygia, where Odysseus in his wanderings was shipwrecked. She fell in love with him and promised him immortality on condition that he would remain with her and not return to his wife Penelope. Odysseus refused, whereupon Calypso detained him in the island for seven years until compelled by the gods to release him.

[2] Great continent which is opposite your own | We never heard whether the narrator performed this voyage. The ancients had a vague notion of a large continent island far away to west, where America is. This was sometimes described as the island of Atlantis, very fruitful and populous, and larger than Asia and Africa combined. Aristotle De Mundo speaks of countries at a vast distance off and opposite to ours. In Aelian's Varia Historia 3.18, Silenus the Satyr is represented as holding a conversation with Midas. He tells him that Europe, Asia, and Africa are islands bounded by the Ocean stream and that the only existing continent is “outside of the world”; an immense tract of land with gigantic inhabitants, whose strange customs he proceeds to describe. It is to this similar belief that Lucian here alludes. Aelian Varia Historia 3.18: “Amongst other things, Silenus told Midas that Europe, Asia and Africa were Islands surrounded by the Ocean: That there was but one Continent only, which was beyond this world and that as to magnitude it was infinite.”³³⁾

But he pulled up a mallow root [1] and handed it to me, bidding me invoke it at times of greatest danger. When I arrived in this world, he charged me to abstain from stirring fire with a knife, from lupines, and from the society of boys over eighteen [2]; these things if I kept in mind, I might look for return to the island. That day I made ready for our voyage, and when the banquet hour came, I shared it. On the morrow I went to the poet Homer and besought him to write me a couplet for inscription; when he had done it, I carved it on a beryl pillar which I had set up close to the harbor; it ran thus:

This island, ere he took his homeward way, the blissful Gods gave Lucian to survey.

[1] The mallow plant is associated with the dead and was considered sacred by Pythagoreans. It is meant to have magical powers. It is analogous to the root “moly” from the Odyssey, which Hermes gave Odysseus. Odyssey 10.303-305: “So saying, Argeiphontes gave me the herb, drawing it from the ground, and showed me its nature. At the root it was black, but its flower was like milk. Moly the gods call it, and it is hard for mortal men to dig; but with the gods all things are possible.”³⁴⁾

[2] Precepts | Only the first of the three is an actual Pythagorean precept. Lucian satirizes the Pythagorean symbols as collected by Iambilichus. Iambilichus lived a few generations after Lucian.

I stayed out that day too, and next morning started, the Heroes attending to see me off. Odysseus took the opportunity to come unobserved by Penelope and give me a letter for Calypso in the isle Ogygia. Rhadamanthus sent on board with me the ferryman Nauplius, who, in case we were driven on to the islands, might secure us from seizure by guaranteeing that our destination was different. As soon as our progress brought us out of the scented air, it was succeeded by a horrible smell as of bitumen, brimstone, and pitch all burning together; mingled with this were the disgusting and intolerable fumes of roasting human flesh; the air was dark and thick, distilling a pitchy dew upon us; we could also hear the crack of whips and the yelling of many voices.

We only touched at one island, on which we also landed. It was completely surrounded by precipitous cliffs, arid, stony, rugged, treeless, and unwatered. We contrived to clamber up the rocks, and advanced along a track beset with thorns and snags — a hideous scene. When we reached the prison and the place of punishment, what first drew our wonder was the character of the whole. The very ground stood thick with a crop of knife-blades and pointed stakes; and it was ringed round with rivers [1], one of slime, a second of blood, and the innermost of flame. This last was very broad and quite impassable; the flame flowed like water, swelled like the sea, and teemed with fish, some resembling firebrands, and others, the small ones, live coals; these were called lamplets.

[1] Rivers | Lucian probably had in mind the description in Plato's Phaedo 60 of the Rivers of Hades: “Many streams of mud both thinner and thicker, like in Sicily the rivers of mud flowing before the lava and the lava itself; and so which fill each of the regions, as to each by chance the flowing around each time occurs. And all these move up and down like some oscillation within the earth; and so this oscillation through nature is some such thing.”³⁵⁾

One narrow way led across all three; its gate was kept by Timon of Athens [1]. Nauplius secured us admission, however, and then we saw the chastisement of many kings, and many common men; some were known to us; indeed there hung Cinyras [2], swinging in eddies of smoke. Our guides described the life and guilt of each culprit; the severest torments were reserved for those who in life had been liars and written false history; the class was numerous, and included Ctesias of Cnidus, and Herodotus. The fact was an encouragement to me, knowing that I had never told a lie. [3]

[1] Timon of Athens | According to Lucian’s dialogue Timon the Misanthrope, Timon was the wealthy son of Echecratides who lavished his money on flattering friends. When funds ran out, friends deserted and Timon was reduced to working in the fields. One day, he found a pot of gold and soon his fair-weather friends were back. This time, he drove them away with dirt clods.

[2] Cinyras | Who had just run off with Helen and was unfortunately caught in the act.

[3] Never told a lie | In fact, those are only outrageous lines, which are intended to be imposed on light readers to coax them into believing the truth of the story. There can clearly be no bigger liar than the author of the True History.

I soon found the sight more than I could bear, and returning to the ship bade farewell to Nauplius and resumed the voyage. Very soon we seemed quite close to the Isle of Dreams [1], though there was a certain dimness and vagueness about its outline; but it had something dreamlike in its very nature; for as we approached it receded, and seemed to get further and further off. At last we reached it and sailed into Slumber, the port, close to the ivory gates where stands the temple of the Rooster [2] It was evening when we landed, and upon proceeding to the city we saw many strange dreams. But I intend first to describe the city, as it has not been done before; Homer indeed mentions it, but gives no detailed description.

[1] Isle of Dreams | Gr. Hypnos, sleep. An improvement upon Homer's description of Dreamland with its two gates of horn and ivory, from where come true and false dreams respectively. Odyssey 19.562: “Stranger, dreams verily are baffling and unclear of meaning, and in no wise do they find fulfillment in all things for men. For two are the gates of shadowy dreams, and one is fashioned of horn and one of ivory. Those dreams that pass through the gate of sawn ivory deceive men, bringing words that find no fulfillment. But those that come forth through the gate of polished horn bring true issues to pass, when any mortal sees them.”³⁶⁾

[2] Rooster | As herald of the morning.

The whole place is embowered in wood, of which the trees are poppy and mandragora [1], all thronged with bats; this is the only winged thing that exists there. A river, called the Somnambule [2], flows close by, and there are two springs at the gates, one called Wakenot [3], and the other Nightlong [4]. The rampart is lofty and of many colors, in the rainbow style. The gates are not two, as Homer [5] says, but four, of which two look on to the plain Stupor; one of them is of iron, the other of pottery, and we were told that these are used by the grim, the murderous, and the cruel. The other pair faces the sea and port, and is of horn — it was by this that we had entered — and of ivory. On the right as you enter the city stands the temple of Night, which deity divides with the Rooster their chief allegiance; the temple of the latter is close to the port. On the left is the palace of Sleep. He is the governor, with two lieutenants, Nightmare, son of Whimsy [6], and Flittergold, son of Fantasy [7]. A well in the middle of the market-place goes by the name of Heavyhead [8]; beside which are the temples of Deceit and Truth. In the market also is the shrine in which oracles are given, the priest and prophet, by special appointment from Sleep, being Antiphon the dream-interpreter. [9]

[1] Mandragora | A root which when ingested is supposed to promote sleep, very proper for the island of dreams. cf. Shakespeare Othello 3.3: “Not poppy nor mandragora … shall ever medicine thee to that sweet sleep, which thou owedst yesterday”.

[2] Somnambule | Gr. Nyctiporus, night-wanderers.

[3] Wakenot | Gr. Negretus, unwaked or wakeful.

[4] Nightlong | Gr. Pannychia, all night.

[5] Homer | Homer said there were two gates, one for truthful, the other for lying dreams. Virgil recognizes two gates – one of horn, for verae umbrae i.e. true spirits appearing in sleep, the other of ivory, for delusive dreams.

[6] Nightmare son of Whimsy | Gr. Taraxion tou Mataogeous, Fright, the son of vain-hope or Disappointment.

[7] Flittergold, son of Fantasy | Gr. Plutoklea tou Phantasiosis, the pride of riches; i.e. arising from riches, son of fantasy or deceit.

[8] Heavyhead | Gr. Karkotis, heavy-sleep.

[9] Antiphon the dream-interpreter | Perhaps this was leveled at a dream-interpreter of the time that is no longer known.

The dreams themselves differed widely in character and appearance. Some were well-grown, smooth-skinned, shapely, handsome fellows, others rough, short, and ugly; some apparently made of gold, others of common cheap stuff. Among them some were found with wings, and other strange variations; others again were like the mummers in a pageant, tricked out as kings or Gods or what not [1]. Many of them we felt that we had seen in our world, and sure enough these came up and claimed us as old acquaintance; they took us under their charge, found us lodgings, entertained us with lavish kindness, and, not content with the magnificence of this present reception, promised us royalties and provinces. Some of them also took us to see our friends, doing the return trip all in the day.

[1] Tricked out as kings of Gods or what not | Lucian often uses dream sequences to show munificent, unrealistic, and unfulfillable promises. Even waking dreams are satirized as fantastical as seen in Lucian’s dialogue The Ship.

For thirty days and nights we abode there — a very feast of sleep. Then on a sudden came a mighty clap of thunder: we woke; jumped up; provisioned; put off. In three days we were at the Isle of Ogygia, where we landed. Before delivering the letter, I opened and read it; here are the contents:ODYSSEUS TO CALYPSO, GREETING. Know that in the faraway days when I built my raft and sailed away from you, I suffered shipwreck; I was hard put to it, but Leucothea brought me safe to the land of the Phaeacians; they gave me passage home, and there I found a great company suing for my wife’s hand and living riotously upon our goods. All them I slew, and in after years was slain by Telegonus [1], the son that Circe bare me. And now I am in the Island of the Blest, ruing the day when I left the life I had with you, and the everlasting life you proffered. I watch for opportunity, and meditate escape and return. [2] Some words were added, commending us to her hospitality.

[1] Telegonus | Telegonus was sent by Circe to seek for his father. Being shipwrecked on the island of Ithaca and pressed by hunger, he began to ravage the fields. Thereupon, Odysseus marched against him, and was killed by his son, neither knowing the other.

[2] ODYSSEUS … |This letter gives an account of Odyssey 5-24 with the story from the Telegony, 6^th Century BC written by Eugammon.

A little way from the sea I found the cave just as it is in Homer and herself therein at her spinning [1]. She took and read the letter, wept for a space, and then offered us entertainment; royally she feasted us, putting questions the while about Odysseus and Penelope [2]; what were her looks? And was she as discreet as Odysseus had been used to vaunt her? To which we made such answers as we thought she would like.

[1] A little way from the sea I found the cave just as it is in Homer and herself therein at her spinning | Odyssey 5.57-62: “But when he had reached the island which lay afar, then forth from the violet sea he came to land, and went his way until he came to a great cave, wherein dwelt the fair-tressed nymph; and he found her within. A great fire was burning on the hearth, and from afar over the isle there was a fragrance of cleft cedar and juniper, as they burned; but she within was singing with a sweet voice as she went to and fro before the loom, weaving with a golden shuttle.”³⁷⁾

[2] Penelope | Passage implies that he denigrated Penelope's looks and chastity. Odyssey 5.215-5.217: “Mighty goddess, be not wroth with me for this. I know full well of myself that wise Penelope is meaner to look upon than thou in comeliness and in stature, for she is a mortal, while thou art immortal and ageless.”³⁸⁾

Leaving her, we went on board, and spent the night at anchor just off shore; in the morning we started with a stiff breeze, which grew to a gale lasting two days; on the third day we fell in with the Pumpkin-pirates [1]. These are savages of the neighboring islands who prey upon passing ships. They use large boats made of pumpkins ninety feet long. The pumpkin is dried and hollowed out by removal of the pulp, and the boat is completed by the addition of cane masts and pumpkin-leaf sails. Two boatfuls of them engaged us, and we had many casualties from their pumpkin-seed missiles. The fight was long and well matched; but about noon we saw a squadron of Nut-tars [2] coming up in rear of the enemy. It turned out that the two parties were at war; for as soon as our assailants observed the others, they left us alone and turned to engage them.

[1] Pumpkin-pirates | Gr. Kolokyntho-peiratai.

[2] Nut-tars Sailors | Gr. Karyonautai.

Meanwhile we hoisted sail and made the best of our way off, leaving them to fight it out. It was clear that the Nut-tars must win, as they had both superior numbers — there were five sail of them — and stronger vessels. These were made of nutshells, halved and emptied, measuring ninety feet from stem to stern. As soon as they were hull down, we attended to our wounded; and from that time we made a practice of keeping on our armor, to be in instant readiness for an attack — no vain precaution either.

Before sunset, for instance, there assailed us from a bare island some twenty men mounted on large dolphins [1] — pirates again. Their dolphins carried them quite well, curveting and neighing. When they got near, they divided, and subjected us to a cross fire of dry cuttlefish and crabs’ eyes. But our arrows and javelins were too much for them, and they fled back to the island, few of them unwounded.

[1] Dolphins | Follows tradition of men riding dolphins. Herodotus 1.24: “Then as the measure ended, Arion threw himself into the sea just as he was, in his full minstrel’s garb; and they went on sailing away to Corinth, but him, they say, a dolphin supported on its back and brought him to shore at Tainaron: and when he had come to land he proceeded to Corinth with his minstrel’s garb.”³⁹⁾ Aulus Gellius Attic Nights 6.8: “I have appended the words of that learned man Apion, from the fifth book of his Egyptian History, in which he tells of an amorous dolphin and a boy who did not reject its advances, of their intimacy and play with each other, the dolphin carrying the boy and the boy bestriding the fish; and Apion declares that of all this he himself and many others were eye-witnesses.”⁴⁰⁾

At midnight, in calm weather, we found ourselves colliding with an enormous halcyon’s nest; it was full seven miles round. The halcyon was brooding, not much smaller herself than the nest. She got up, and very nearly capsized us with the fanning of her wings; however, she went off with a melancholy cry. When it was getting light, we got on to the nest, and found on examination that it was composed like a vast raft of large trees. There were five hundred eggs, larger in girth than a tun of Chian [1]. We could make out the chicks inside and hear them croaking; we hewed open one egg with hatchets, and dug out an unfledged chick bulkier than twenty vultures. [2]

[1] Chian | The Chian wine-jar held about three or four quarts.

[2] Twenty vultures | Reminiscent of the Story of Roc and its egg from the Second Voyage of Sinbad the Sailor. The roc appears in Arabic geographies and natural history, popularized in Arabian fairy tales and sailors' folklore. Ibn Battuta (iv. 305ff) tells of a mountain hovering in air over the China Seas, which was the roc. Whether Lucian may have borrowed from the Arabian Nights (or rather from the common material out of which the tales were built) is unknown.

Sailing on, we had left the nest some five and twenty miles behind, when a miracle happened. The wooden goose [1] of our stern-post suddenly clapped its wings and started cackling; Scintharus, who was bald, recovered his hair; most striking of all, the ship’s mast came to life, putting forth branches sideways, and fruit at the top; this fruit was figs, and a bunch of black grapes, not yet ripe [2]. These sights naturally disturbed us, and we fell to praying the Gods to avert any disaster they might portend [3].

[1] Wooden goose | Meaning the carved head; goose heads were often used at the prow of ships.

[2] Grapes, not yet ripe | Attests to the force of Dionysius as seen in his Homeric Hymn when captured by Tyrrhenian pirates: “And all at once a vine spread out both ways along the top of the sail with many clusters hanging down from it, and a dark ivy-plant twined about the mast, blossoming with flowers, and with rich berries growing on it; and all the thole-pins were covered with garlands.” Lucian and his comrades have the right to be worried by the omen.

[3] Praying to the gods | Lucian's satire is directed at the common superstition, which saw in every strange occurrence an omen of divine anger, requiring prayer or sacrifice to avert it.

We had preceded something less than fifty miles when we saw a great forest, thick with pines and cypresses. This we took for the mainland; but it was in fact deep sea, set with trees; they had no roots, but yet remained in their places, floating upright, as it were. When we came near and realized the state of the case, we could not tell what to do; it was impossible to sail between the trees, which were so close as to touch one another, and we did not like the thought of turning back. I climbed the tallest tree to get a good view, and found that the wood was five or six miles across, and was succeeded by open water. So we determined to hoist the ship on to the top of the foliage, which was very dense, and get her across to the other sea, if possible. It proved to be so. We attached a strong cable, got up on the tree-tops, and hauled her after us with some difficulty; then we laid her on the branches, hoisted sail, and floating thus were propelled by the wind. A line of Antimachus came into my head:

And as they voyaged thus the woodland through — [1]

[1] This passage refers to the Argonauts having to move their ship through the deserts of Libya to reach the other sea. Antimachus of Colophon wrote the Thebiad, several lines of which are cited by Athenaeus and in some elegiac poems. The emperor Hadrian is said to have preferred him to Homer.

Well, we made our way over and reached the water, into which we let her down in the same way. We then sailed through clear transparent sea, till we found ourselves on the edge of a great gorge [1] which divided water from water, like the land fissures which are often produced by earthquakes. We got the sails down and brought her to just in time to escape making the plunge. We could bend over and see an awful mysterious gulf perhaps a hundred miles deep, the water standing wall against wall. Glances round showed us not far off to the right a water bridge which spanned the chasm, and gave a moving surface crossing from one sea to the other. We got out the sweeps, pulled her to the bridge, and with great exertions affected that astonishing passage.

[1] Great gorge | Reminds the reader of Herodotus 4.85: “These then were left, having been slain upon the spot where they were: and Dareios meanwhile set forth from Susa and arrived at the place on the Bosphorus where the bridge of ships had been made, in the territory of Chalcedon; and there he embarked in a ship and sailed to the so-called Kyanean rocks, which the Hellenes say formerly moved backwards and forwards; and taking his seat at the temple he gazed upon the Pontus, which is a sight well worth seeing. Of all seas indeed it is the most marvelous in its nature. The length of it is eleven thousand one hundred furlongs, and the breadth, where it is broadest, three thousand three hundred: and of this great Sea the mouth is but four furlongs broad, and the length of the mouth, that is of the neck of water which is called Bosphorus, where, as I said, the bridge of ships had been made, is not less than a hundred and twenty furlongs. This Bosphorus extends to the Propontis; and the Propontis, being in breadth five hundred furlongs and in length one thousand four hundred, has its outlet into the Hellespont, which is but seven furlongs broad at the narrowest place, though it is four hundred furlongs in length: and the Hellespont runs out into that expanse of sea which is called the Aegean.”⁴¹⁾

There followed a sail through smooth water, and then a small island, easy of approach, and inhabited; its occupants were the Ox-heads, savage men with horns, after the fashion of our poets’ Minotaur [1]. We landed and went in search of water and provisions, of which we were now in want. The water we found easily, but nothing else; we heard, however, not far off, a numerous lowing; supposing it to indicate a herd of cattle, we went a little way towards it, and came upon these men. They gave chase as soon as they saw us, and seized three of my comrades, the rest of us getting off to sea. We then armed — for we would not leave our friends unavenged — and in full force fell on the Ox-heads as they were dividing our slaughtered men’s flesh. Our combined shout put them to flight, and in the pursuit we killed about fifty, took two alive, and returned with our captives. We had found nothing to eat; the general opinion was for slaughtering the prisoners; but I refused to accede to this [2], and kept them in bonds till an embassy came from the Ox-heads to ransom them; so we understood the motions they made, and their tearful supplicatory lowings. The ransom consisted of a quantity of cheese, dried fish, onions, and four deer; these were three-footed, the two forefeet being joined into one. In exchange for all this we restored the prisoners, and after one day’s further stay departed.

[1] Minotaur | The Minotaur was an ox-headed, man-eating monster, who lived in the Labyrinth in Crete. He was slain by Theseus with the help of Ariadne.

[2] I refused to accede to this | Lucian is trying not to have a repeat of the Island of the Sun episode from the Odyssey 12 where hunger and fatigued trumped logic. Tiresias and Circe both warn Odysseus to shun the Isle of Helios. When Eurylochus begs to be allowed to land to prepare supper, Odysseus grudgingly agrees, on condition that the crew swears that if they come upon a herd of cattle or a great flock of sheep, no one will kill any of them. They are held on the isle for a month by unfavorable winds, and when Odysseus goes up the island to pray to the gods and ask for help, Eurylochus convinces the crew to drive off the best of the cattle of Helios and sacrifice them to the gods: “if he be somewhat wroth for his cattle with straight horns, and is fain to wreck our ship, and the other gods follow his desire, rather with one gulp at the wave would I cast my life away, than be slowly straitened to death in a desert isle.” Lampetie tells Helios that they have slain his cattle, and he in turn begs Zeus and the other gods to take vengeance on the company of Odysseus. He threatens that if they do not pay him full atonement for the cattle that he will go down to Hades and shine among the dead. Zeus promises to smite their ship with a lightning bolt, and cleave it in pieces in the midst of the ocean. When he returns to the ship, Odysseus rebukes his companions, but it is too late, the cattle are dead and gone. Soon the gods show signs and wonders to them. The skins begin creeping, and the flesh bellowing upon the spits, both the roast and raw, and there is a sound like the voice of cattle. For six days Odysseus's company feast on the cattle of Helios. On the seventh day, the wind changes. After they set sail, Zeus keeps his word and the ship is destroyed by lightning. Odysseus escapes by swimming to Calypso's island. The next seven years he stays on her island and she treats him to all of her gifts.

By this time we were beginning to observe fish, birds on the wing, and other signs of land not far off; and we shortly saw men, practicing a mode of navigation new to us; for they were boat and crew in one. The method was this: they float on their backs, erect a sail, and then, holding the sheets with their hands, catch the wind. These were succeeded by others who sat on corks, to which were harnessed pairs of dolphins, driven with reins. They neither attacked nor avoided us, but drove along in all confidence and peace, admiring the shape of our craft and examining it all round.

That evening we touched at an island of no great size. It was occupied by what we took for women, talking Greek. They came and greeted us with kisses, were attired like courtesans, all young and fair, and with long robes sweeping the ground. Cabbalusa was the name of the island, and Hydramardia the city’s [1]. These women paired off with us and led the way to their separate homes.

I myself tarried a little, under the influence of some presentiment, and looking more closely observed quantities of human bones and skulls lying about [2]. I did not care to raise an alarm, gather my men, and resort to arms; instead, I drew out my mallow [3], and prayed earnestly to it for escape from our perilous position. Shortly after, as my hostess was serving me, I saw that in place of human feet she had ass’s hoofs; whereupon I drew my sword, seized, bound, and closely questioned her. Reluctantly enough she had to confess; they were sea-women called Ass-shanks [4], and their food was travelers. ‘When we have made them drunk,’ she said, ‘and gone to rest with them, we overpower them in their sleep.’ After this confession I left her there bound, went up on to the roof, and shouted for my comrades. When they appeared, I repeated it all to them, showed them the bones, and brought them in to see my prisoner; she at once vanished, turning to water; however, I thrust my sword into this experimentally, upon which the water became blood.

[1] Cabbalusa … Hydramardia | Much brainpower has been spent trying to figure out the import or even location of these Greek names. It has been suggested that they were distorted by a transcriber. No verdict has been made as to their meaning.

[2] Skulls lying about | Lucian, like Odysseus, can see the signs of embroilment. Passage has two parallels from the Odyssey. Odyssey 10.312: “So she spoke, but I, drawing my sharp sword from beside my thigh, rushed upon Circe, as though I would slay her.”⁴²⁾ Odyssey 12.42-46: “Whoso in ignorance draws near to them and hears the Sirens' voice, he nevermore returns, that his wife and little children may stand at his side rejoicing, but the Sirens beguile him with their clear-toned song, as they sit in a meadow, and about them is a great heap of bones of moldering men, and round the bones the skin is shriveling.”⁴³⁾

[3] My mallow | Refers to the mallow given by way of charm earlier on his departure from the happy island.

[4] Ass-shanks | Gr. Onoscileas, aft-legged.

Then we marched hurriedly down to our ship and sailed away. With the first glimmering of dawn we made out a mainland [1], which we took for the continent that faces our own. We reverently saluted it, made prayer, and held counsel upon our best course. Some were for merely landing and turning back at once, others for leaving the ship, and going into the interior to make trial of the inhabitants. But while we were deliberating, a great storm arose, which dashed us, a complete wreck, on the shore. We managed to swim to land, each snatching up his arms and anything else he could.

Such are the adventures that befell me up to our arrival at that other continent: our sea-voyage; our cruise among the islands and in the air; then our experiences in and after the whale; with the Heroes; with the dreams; and finally with the Ox-heads and the Ass-shanks. Our fortunes on the continent will be the subject of the following books [2].

[1] Mainland | There may be two parallels to this passage in ancient texts: Plato Timaeus 24e: “For it is related in our records how once upon a time your State stayed the course of a mighty host, which, starting from a distant point in the Atlantic ocean, was insolently advancing to attack the whole of Europe, and Asia to boot. For the ocean there was at that time navigable; for in front of the mouth which you Greeks call, as you say, 'the pillars of Heracles,' there lay an island which was larger than Libya and Asia together; and it was possible for the travelers of that time to cross from it to the other islands, and from the islands to the whole of the continent”.⁴⁴⁾ Aelian Various History 3.18: “Amongst other things, Silenus told Midas that Europe, Asia and Africa were Islands surrounded by the Ocean: That there was but one Continent only, which was beyond this world and that as to magnitude it was infinite”.⁴⁵⁾

[2] Following books | The following books never appeared. It is highly proper that a history made entirely up of lies should conclude with a promise which the author never intends to keep.

The Works of Lucian from the Greek. Thomas Francklin. London. Printed for T. Cadell in the Strand. 1780.

Lucian. With an English translation by A. M. Harmon of Princeton University. London. William Heinemann; New York: The Macmillan Co. 1913.

Luciani Vera Historia. Edited with Introduction and Notes for the Use of Middle Forms in Schools. C. S. Jarram, M.A. Oxford at the Clarendon Press. 1879.

Lucian of Samosata from the Greek with the Comments and Illustrations of Wieland and Others. William Tooke, F.R.S. London. 1820.

Chattering Courtesans and Other Sardonic Sketches. Translated with and Introduction and Notes by Keith Sidwell. Penguin Books. 2004.

Book Cover Image by Aubrey Beardsley:

Lucian’s True History.Translated by Francis Hickes. Illustrated by William Strang, J.B. Clark, and Aubrey Beardsley with an introduction by Charles Whibley, 1902.